Thursday, May 11, 2006

ok, so since sunday i have found out that three, yes three, people are engaged and/or married. and this is all since each couple met each other since christmas. i'm not knocking the quick engagement and/or marriage cause i think that if you know...you know...but i am battling a case of jealousy right now. i have been doing really well lately, not feeling sad that most of my friends are now married and i am one of the last ones left, but wow, this week has been rough for me. and it just has me asking questions as to why? am i not good enough in this or that department, if i changed this or that will my chances of getting married become higher...in essence - what is wrong with me?

now don't get me wrong, even though it is my heart's desire to be married i certainly will not marry just for the sake of bring married. i am smart enough to know that marriage is not an answer to any problem. i refuse to settle. i refuse to play games. and, like i said, i have been doing so well with being content with where the lord has me. i guess i am just frustrated and i am venting a bit.

i hear that "nice guys settle last." but i am wondering if the same goes for nice girls as well? although, i must admit that all my married girl friends are pretty kick-a** so i don't want you to think that i am not calling them nice - because they are incredible people. i think i am just a little irritated with the whole male race right now.

i have been thinking about this a lot this past week. there are so many things i could do if i were married, that are my heart's desire - things i just don't think i could do as a single person. adopt. lead a ministry team better. etc. so i guess i am confused, and frankly a little hurt, that i am being kept from better serving others and the lord. but i know this isn't a revelation to god. he and i talk about this a lot. and he always wins.

i know that the lord's timing is perfect. i know that he has the best plans for me. i am just hoping that one day i will be able to look back and say, "oh that's why you didn't allow me to be married then!":)
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4 comments:

Courtney Patch said...

you are not alone in this Ash; no worries. I feel the exact same way and have several other friends in the same boat. All who are high quality girls! I want to start a home for children but feel a husband is a vital part of that. But, like you said, I believe that eventually we will look back on all of this waiting period and understand why it happened like it did. You're awesome!

2:06 PM
Tamara B said...

I remember those days. It is especially hard when you think you've met that person and then it ends up not being what God has planned. So, be extra careful in waiting and preparing for your future mate. And, also let me share that I love my husband dearly and he's great but I'd be lying if I said it was easy. Marriage takes a lot of work which does take away from the precious time you have to offer God. Even if you serve together, there is still that time that should be devoted specifically to your spouse. And to be honest, some days I just despise having to pick up after someone else who is perfectly capable to do things himself. So be encouraged as a single woman and enjoy your time of "freedom".

2:50 PM
Anonymous said...

Im on the next flight out there. Is there a drive through wedding chappel in Alantic City? There are only two stipulation I have: 1. I get the right side of the bed and 2. I get to keep my socks in the draw with out folding them. WHY DO PEOPLE FOLD THEIR SOCKS!!!! UGH Ok, so let me know

12:26 AM
Kristin said...

I met someone over Christmas and I'm not engaged....one of the few it seems! Hang in there - I know exactly how you feel....trust me!

11:15 PM

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