Wedding
This weekend my cousin Scott is getting married. That means I am the last one on the Murray side (of the cousins) to be married. Weird, I never imagined myself as being the last one to get married. Anyway, I haven't been to a wedding in a while and it should be good. Lots of family will be in town which will make for fun times (hopefully)!:-)
Speaking of weddings...
Jerelyn's bridal party went shopping to David's Bridal on Saturday. (Which included Kristin since she was in town. Great seeing her as always - one of my bestest friends.) I must say that I was pleasantly surprised with David's Bridal and anticipate going there for my own wedding. I had horrible experiences in two of the other weddings I was in and their shops - and I definitely want to go to a place that is friendly and decent. David's was just that. Visit Jer's page to hear more on how the day went - I don't want to steal her thunder. But let's just say we are going to be one hot bridal party with an even hotter bride!
Weather
This weekend it felt like June! Yesterday my car thermometer read 94 degrees. Whew! I like warm weather but I don't like sweltering under the sun. I put on my air conditioner - yup, in April. It was out of necessity, I promise! I think we are supposed to be in the 80's for the rest of the week... Guess this means I have to go get some appropriate summer clothing hehehe!
Ugh, so expensive!
OK, I know I keep posting about the gas prices. Today I paid $4.05. The secretary just told me that she heard the cheapest place for gas is the Costco on Herndon. That is way out of my way unfortunately. Seriously, I don't know what I am going to do if these prices keep going up!
Walking
At least one thing that is free is exercising with my mom, SIL, and niece. I really enjoy it. My niece is always so cute when we go. She insists I stay right by her, and I mean RIGHT BY HER. I can't be up on the sidewalk with her on the street or vice versa. She also likes to hold my hand and sing some songs as we walk. Her most favorite thing, however, is going over speed bumps. She has a one track mind as she will ask over an over, "Bump?" "Bump?" "Bump?" She usually gets to go over some bumps...either in the Free Church parking lot we'll take as a detour or the softball alley by the high school or both. Simple pleasures! I also enjoy the social aspect of it and spending time with my mom and Brooke. Exercise is so much better when done with someone else! We have made a habit of it and go mostly every weekday. So why am I not losing weight??
So many projects...
I seriously have so much to do and have little time or money to do it. A house that needs to be cleaned, shrubs that need to be planted, snail bait that needs to be dispersed, new bathroom mirrors that need to be hung, laundry that needs to be done, bills to be paid, etc. I know, I know I am not as busy as working moms (which is a busyness I really look forward to). For me and my lifestyle though I am genuinely busy. Ugh! The list never ends. Help!
Cruise
I am going to Alaska this summer! SO EXCITED! My dad bought our family tickets. My parents, me, my brother, SIL, and niece will be going. It is to celebrate their anniversary. We are traveling in late July. I have never been on a cruise before - and I am super excited about seeing British Columbia and Alaska. The only bummer is that we will not be stopping in Seattle so I can't see Hannah. Boo! Anyone been and have advice on excursions to do?
House Cleaner
I am considering getting a once a month house cleaner. Any suggestions on a safe, trustworthy, professional, and dependable person?
NYC
The time is almost here! I can't wait to go back to the EC! And to my neck of the woods too. Will it be good? Will it be weird? Probably a little of both. It truly is the greatest city in the world!
Jersey (the kitten)
He is getting fixed, micro chipped, and a leukemia shot on Thursday. Poor kitty. Once he has healed though he will be able to (finally!) be an outdoor/indoor cat and that is going to rock his world (in a good way!). He desperately wants to go outside. He is a good kitten...about 50% of the time hehehe.:-)
Almost a year...
It will be a year on May 23. I cannot believe it. I wonder what this next year will hold. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe I am back. In Kingsburg. Hmmm... This year has been a challenge in a couple of ways (Jasmin and cheer). It has also been really good to be back with family and WC friends too. Wow, A YEAR. Crazy!!

Just filled up my tank and gas is now at $3.99/gallon. I just saw on the news the NJ's gas goes up by 22cents tomorrow. That's a big jump! I loved the cheap gas in NJ - and the fact someone else pumped it for me.:-)

Last night I went to Panera Bread in Hanford with Deborah and Jerelyn. It was a great girl's night out - even if it was as low key as eating and chatting. I am so excited that Panera has made its way out to the WC. Every time I go in there it is like I am back at "home" on the EC. We had a wonderful time and before we knew it we had stayed out later then any of us had planned - and I am feeling it today! (Who knew getting home at 10 PM on a work night would be considered late to me? I must be getting old!;-)) I couldn't sleep much last night and woke up every couple of hours. I wondered if it was what I drank but the soda didn't have any caffeine in it. Maybe I was just too wound up after a fun night out with friends...:-) Totally worth it though! We all agreed we needed to do it again soon. I am blessed to have so many good friends. Too bad they can't all live in the same city as me...!!

Kristin surprised me with a license plate order for Christmas and they came into DMV on Wednesday. I am so proud to drive with these around...'cause you know its true! I do love the East Coast! Having these license plates make me smile. Thanks Kristin!

I just paid $3.91 for gas...crazy!

Since November I have been on a huge reading kick. I was the occasional reader outside of high school and undergrad (and free time in grad school meant reading counseling books by mostly Christian therapists) and would pick up a book every now and then - but lately I have been devouring books. It has been so great and it gives me something different to do during my lunch break and while sitting at court waiting for the foster kids' cases to be heard. A couple of months ago I finished the first chick-lit (and very cute) book Hannah had sent to me in the Shopaholic series when I decided to order the sequels from Amazon. While I was waiting for the order to be shipped I asked my mom if she had anything I could read. She gave me the series called Abram's Daughter's by Beverly Lewis. She got this series for Christmas and read and loved it, and told me I would as well. At first I thought it would be really cheesy. But, I love the Amish people, as many of you know, and thought I would give it a try. Simply put, I fell in love with this series. I could not put it down and I would pick up the book whenever I had some free time. Not only did I learn a lot, it gave me a renewed sense of joy in God's characteristics and I finished wishing I can someday have the strength and beauty of character like Leah - the main character. I definitely recommend this series. I am sad it is over... In the meantime I received my shipment from Amazon and I am happily reading the second book in the Shopaholic Series. I am also looking forwarding to reading Now and Not Yet - which I hear from Hannah is excellent and really speaks into single Christian women's lives of the Lord's timing. Sounds good to me! What books have you been reading that you recommend I put on my list?

And you thought the Jasmin drama was done...well, me too! But not quite. Knowing Jasmin - she had to go out with as much drama as possible. That girl is the definition of high maintenance - but I love her for that because that is how she was wired - even though I had days where I was annoyed to no end!!:-)

Yesterday morning I received a call from the high school. I looked down at my cell phone and immediately thought that they were calling me about cheer or something of that nature. When I answered the superintendent greeted me (and the joy of living in a small town - we know each other personally) and she told me she had Jasmin in her office. She then told me that Jasmin was "struck by a truck" but that she was "ok." Of course I immediately became concerned and after hearing she was alright I asked for the full story...

Apparently Jasmin was at Tom's (a local donut shop) to get coffee during break (or recess). I should note here that KHS is a CLOSED campus during break - meaning that Jasmin was disobeying by choosing to walk to Tom's (and she later told me she did it all the time or walked home too - no wonder she doesn't have friends...she hid from them at break and lunch!). She was making her way back to campus when she was hit. According to Jasmin, she was not watching the cars and immediately stepped out into the crosswalk when the little walkie guy came up on the sign. At the same time a white truck was making a right hand turn onto the street she was attempting to cross. He was looking to the left since he had a red light and didn't see her when he turned. From the way I understand it, he clipped her knee which hurt and startled her and she fell back, lost her balance, and had to crawl back to the sidewalk. The truck did not stop (although truthfully I wonder if he even noticed...) The car behind the truck saw what happened and stopped and helped Jasmin. She assured him she would be fine and she then hobbled to the office to report what happened. The police and ambulance were then called. A hit and run report was filed, Jasmin was assessed and told she had just a simple bruised knee and she just needed to ice it, and I was called. Unfortunately the video recorded from the cameras at the high school did not catch the incident because she was too far away from the high school.

When I arrived at the high school I had three thoughts when I first saw Jasmin. 1)Her knee looks fine - not red, not swollen, and she was beginning to walk like normal...all is good health wise. 2)Since she was texting on the phone when I walked into the room (never mind the fact that she can't have a cell phone on campus, ugh!) she must not be in that much pain and 3)She knows she can't wear spaghetti strap tank tops to school...what is she thinking??!! I asked her to tell me her story and she did and of course didn't mention the fact that had she stayed where she was supposed to be this wouldn't have happened. Of course I gave her as much compassion as I could - I think it was more scary for her then anything else, and helped her to rethink how this situation could have been different or better yet - avoided. At that time the superintendent came and talked with me and she called the officer who took the report who came to the school and talked with me.

Linda then talked to me about how Jasmin had told her she was switching host families. This frustrated me because I had asked Jasmin the night before to please, PLEASE, tell the truth as to why she was leaving KHS...that it was a small town, that I wanted to keep my good reputation, etc. Apparently she decided it would be easier to not tell the school it was because she wanted to have friends at Clovis East because I had to spend the next five minutes telling the superintendent the truth and that, unfortunately, I cannot change Jasmin's mind or keep her like I had committed and wanted to. Jasmin just sat there.

I then took Jasmin home and called Cheryl, who if you remember, was supposed to come get Jasmin later in the evening. Cheryl decided to come down right away once she heard of the incident and I told her she should come anyway because Cheryl needed to be the one to officially check her out of KHS - that I could not. So Cheryl told me to tell Jasmin that she would go ahead and take her once she got to town. This sent Jasmin into a flurry of activity - and she definitely let me know she wasn't happy about it. Of course Jasmin didn't pack at all on Sunday, or clean, and she suddenly was rushing around trying to get everything done. She got mad at me when I asked her if she had done this or that (which she promised to do like three weeks ago), or when I told her that, "No, I'm sorry, but you can't leave clothes you don't want here for me to deal with." She also cleaned my bathroom with Endust and got mad when I saw her and asked her to please clean with Comet instead - which she knows how to do but was too lazy to do it right. (And, believe me, had her knee truly been hurt I wouldn't have made her clean at all. Her knee was totally fine, she was just milking it at the high school.) When Cheryl showed up she looked at Jasmin's room and bathroom and she questioned Jasmin as to why she hadn't done this yesterday. Of course Jasmin was full of excuses and at the point it didn't matter to me why. Cheryl asked Jasmin if she owed me any money and Jasmin grudgingly gave me the money she owed me for towels she had ruined (but I was very gracious with her about - and when she ruined them at the beginning of the year she said she would keep using them and replace them when she left) and money for the phone bill for her calls to Germany. She let Cheryl know how she shouldn't have to pay me for the towels - ugh, the nerve of her! This was money for two sets of brand new towels I had bought right before she got here. They were blue towels which were ruined by her face wash - apparently the bleach in the face wash was the culprit in my towels getting bleach blotches all over them. Cheryl asked her why she was being so mean to me and fighting me over towels right before she had to leave and Jasmin said she didn't know - must be her knee. Yeah right, I don't think so.

Finally Jasmin had everything packed and was loading the car. I asked Jasmin to please call my parents to say good-bye. She hadn't even made any effort to do that - or have any type of closure with any of my other family or friends she had met which also ticked me off. Cheryl did a walk through and noticed nothing had been vacuumed - bed hadn't been stripped, etc. Cheryl helped me strip the bed and I just didn't push the issue of cleaning. Jasmin was being snippy, it was hot, Cheryl was in a hurry having to get to the school and check Jasmin out, and I was soooo done with Jasmin being ungrateful and rude. Cheryl said she would give us time to say good-bye and she went out and stood by her car. Jasmin then stared me down and after an uncomfortable silence headed to the door. At this point I was so hurt. I couldn't believe the last seven months were ending this way. She was opening the door when I said, "Aren't we even going to hug good-bye?" She rolled her eyes and told me that she didn't think I would want her to hug me because I was hurt. Then I went off. I was like, "Jasmin - how can you say that??? I just gave you the last seven months of my life. I gave you my time, my money, my family, my friends, my house, my faith, my food...how can you say I wouldn't want a hug? Yes, I don't affirm this decision you are making. Yes, I do think you are making a mistake. I still love you though. I still care for you and want the best for you. I still want to keep in touch. Why are you giving me attitude and fighting me up until the very end? I just feel sad you are choosing these possible friends over me, my family, and everything this community has done for you!!!" At this point it was super hard to keep from crying. I couldn't believe her... And then she said, "Yeah, I am choosing friends over you. And its a risk I am willing to take." And with that I said, "OK" gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. She then left.

Jasmin will be sleeping on the couch of her temporary host family. They have three kids - one of which has special needs. Jasmin's life will be much different there then here. Who knows who her new permanent host family will be - and if she will ever find one. Who knows if she will ever contact me....

This whole process has been such a struggle. I truly had good intentions going into this and hated the way it ended. That is so not like me - I like closure and going away parties and gifts. I couldn't do any of that for her. I really tried to love her and care for her these past seven months. I was firm but totally fair. I really tried my best. I don't understand why things ended the way they did - and I know I am hurt and need to process this still. Perhaps I will come to realize why God brought her here and in the meantime I am asking that God continue to teach me through this process of confusion and frustration. Perhaps He is also trying to open my eyes to something about myself??

Jerelyn wrote this to me and it made me feel better. I am including it mostly to help encourage me that these last seven months weren't in vain. I should mention here that Jerelyn, like many other family and friends in my life, went out of her way to help Jasmin be successful in her time here - by volunteering to help her take classes by independent study and be her teacher so she could catch up with the American seniors and graduate. I have many stories like that. Jane who met with Jasmin each week to do a Bible Study. My parents who had her over for dinner many times, took her shopping and to the movies, took her to the coast camping, etc. My brother and sister-in-law who did her favors and gave her rides. My extended family who welcomed her into holiday celebrations and made sure she was included in the upcoming wedding of my cousin. The friends who donated money so she could go on the two YL trips. The YL leaders who befriended her and also did favors for her. Amy who spent the weekend with Jasmin and stayed up late talking with her. My church family who made her feel like a part of the family and helped care for her when she was sick. The local doctor who took her in, even though he wasn't accepting new patients, because she was a foreigner and he wanted to make her feel welcome in our community and country. I'm sure I am leaving many stories out...

"I read this morning on your blog what happened with Jasmin. You did a great thing accepting her into your home and loving her for who she was. Giving your time, patience, money, home...etc. And asking for nothing in return but a little bit of cooperation and respect. You were a great model of a Christian woman and I have no doubt that you have influenced her in a GOOD way. I'm so sorry it ended this way and that you're disappointed. Give it time...I have a feeling it will sink in for her. And of course I'll be praying for her."

Today I am frustrated. Jasmin is leaving tonight to Clovis in order to attend Clovis East starting tomorrow. I think that this is a wrong decision on her part and have expressed that to her, but at the same time I have to release her with my love knowing that God will be traveling with her.

This all began a week and a half ago when I had to sit Jasmin down and talk to her about the lie I uncovered. She had been lying to me all along - telling me she had done her physical in order to participate in track when she had not - which was her secret way of getting out of track (she hated track and didn't want to participate even though she had signed and agreed to do it - it was a condition of her coming here - that she would do an extracurricular activity such as a sport). She was not happy when I told her she had to honor her contract and get the physical, go to track, and be a part of the team (even though she made it clear to the coach she did not want to participate). I then talked to her about her grades which have ranged from poor to fair. There truly is no excuse to get such grades from KHS. Also, American schools are notoriously far easier then European schools - so there was no excuse. Plus, she came over here to go to school and improve her grades and so far she had not done a good job and I knew her parents weren't pleased. The last thing I talked to her about was her attitude. Jasmin is (obviously) from a different culture and on top of that from a big city so coming to Kingsburg meant that she couldn't be so abrupt and that she needed to stop being rude and soften her words. Many people have told me how Jasmin had come across negatively to them, and I had experienced it firsthand on a weekly basis. I wanted to help her realize how she was coming across, even if unintentionally, and how to change so that these last two months would be better. It was a hard talk to have with her, but I wanted to be honest and loving so that it could help her in the long run.

On Saturday Cheryl, who is the international organization's rep, came over and talked with Jasmin as well. We revisited a lot of the same subjects but also talked about her room and bathroom and the friend situation. Jasmin has her own room and bathroom and since she has been closing her doors I have not fought the battle of cleaning up with her. She just has to do a thorough cleaning the last weekend of every month. Now anyone who knows me should know that this was very hard for me to swallow as I like things picked up and presentable, but I really chose to pick my battles with her and knew the room and bathroom wasn't one worth picking. Well when Cheryl saw it (it floors me how Jasmin chose not to clean it before Cheryl came over) she told Jasmin her room and bathroom had to be clean from now on and that by her not cleaning it she is sending me a message of being disrespectful. Also, Cheryl talked to her about the friend situation. You see, when Jasmin first came here she was the toast of the town. Kids were calling her to hang out, she was asked on dates, she was going to lunch, and she was asked to the Christmas dance. After Christmas break everything came to a screeching halt. Not one friend has called her - and that is not an exaggeration. She has been my shadow and I have had to be her source of entertainment as she has no friends. I should back up though and mention that I told her several times to call people to hang out and she said no - that they should call her. So she definitely has the princess mentality going on. Anyway, I have been telling Cheryl this all through this semester- that I was worried for Jasmin and how she didn't have any friends and that I was worried that it was because of how she comes across - that when she first came people loved her but when the real Jasmin came out she lost all her friends in a hurry. We confronted Jasmin about this on Saturday and she flipped out. Lots of attitude came flying out at me across the table and many sighs and eye rolling. She told me I was wrong - that she had lots of friends but that she just chose to hang out with them at school only because she got her fill of them there - that Americans are sooooo superficial. I told her that she is the only 17 1/2 year old I know that doesn't want to see or do anything with friends on the weekends. At that time Cheryl mentioned that she should just pull Jasmin out of my house because of her very bad attitude. I pleaded with Cheryl to at least give Jasmin a week to change things around before she did that. While Jasmin has been a challenge to have in my home - I knew and still know that God brought her here for a reason and that her time here is not done yet. Cheryl agreed to that and took Jasmin home with her for the weekend. When I picked her up on Sunday Jasmin told me she wanted to stay in my home and was going to try really hard to change and make it work.

On Wednesday I came home from Young Life and Cheryl and Jasmin were waiting for me. Cheryl told me that Jasmin had confessed to her that she was indeed lying about the friend situation and that she doesn't have any friends here. She said she has a reputation of being a b**** at school and that she "isn't happy but not unhappy here." Cheryl then mentioned that she thinks Jasmin needs a fresh start with a new school and that she thinks she could get Jasmin into Clovis East. She wanted Jasmin to think about it and get back to her. I was floored at this point. Jasmin doesn't need a fresh start just so she can gain friends. She needs to learn how to change herself in order to be a better person instead of doing the quick fix of changing environments. Plus, Clovis East is almost three times the size of KHS, much harder academically, and I'm sorry, but I don't think she will be able to make friends there in the time allotted. She is a senior and transferring in with other seniors who are thinking about graduation in a few weeks is not a good idea. Plus, she will be taken away from the track team she made a commitment to, beginner Bible study she was doing every week with Jane, the church family she has come to know, Young Life she went to on a weekly basis and two YL trips she went on with money people generously donated, family obligations such as a wedding coming up, and giving up her host family here who she knew and was safe with. Cheryl said that Jasmin can find a new family by handing out fliers. To me that meant she would find any ol' family - and a quick fix. Jasmin said she would think about it.

On Thursday night I came home and reminded Jasmin that we were taking her to LA this weekend and that she needed to be packed and ready by 4 on Friday. At that point she told me that she had made up her mind and decided on Clovis East and that she didn't want to go to LA but take the weekend to put up fliers instead. At this point I was so frustrated that she made such a selfish decision - and I was very hurt. My family and I have bent over backwards for her providing her with free room and board, love, favors, rides, and several trips to different places in the US. Plus, I feel like the community of Kingsburg had really rallied around her - especially the YL leaders. And yet she was so indifferent about us and thought that possible friends were better. She also said she had talked to her parents and that they told her they wanted her to be happy and that she could move. On Friday Jasmin went and stayed with Cheryl for the weekend and put up fliers. Last night she came home and packed and she is moving out tonight and that will be that I guess. She will be staying with Cheryl's assistant Regina until she finds a home. Last night I told Jasmin for the last time how I felt like she was making the wrong decision. I told her that while I send her with my love that I hope that someday she looks back and realizes that change needs to come from one's self and that that is a lesson I am still learning myself. While I wish her no ill will, I do hope that she also looks back and realizes that she had it really good here.

Anyway, this has been hard for me to process. I really feel like a failure. I still cannot understand how she can just up and leave like it is no big deal. While Jasmin was a tough cookie, my main goal in keeping her, and what I had to continually remind myself - was that God sent her here for a reason. She is not a believer but is definitely seeking. I did all I could by living my faith out in front of her - as did all the other Believers in her life while she was here, and I also took her to YL and church. I just feel like she is leaving prematurely. My job is not done with her. Most of all I worry for her spiritually. She is a very lost girl who was asking great questions and (seemed to at least) soaking in all that she was learning here. What will become of her now? God is traveling with her, and as Hannah reminded me last night God will continue to fight for her, I think it is my control issues that are getting in the way here. It's not that Jasmin was my project or anything, but I did come to care for her and as a Christian I only wanted her to come to know Jesus as well. Perhaps she still will...God is just as much at Clovis East as He is here and He certainly doesn't need me to accomplish His will in her life.

Anyway, it will be weird saying goodbye to Jasmin tonight. Originally I had planned on throwing her a good-bye party in my backyard with my new deck at the end of the year and inviting everyone who had come to care about her in Kingsburg, but now things are different. It is a hard line to walk because I want her to know I care about her and that we can keep in touch - but that I do not condone or affirm this decision she is making. Ugh, I am just frustrated with Jasmin AND her organization who put this idea in her head in the first place. Also, I should mention here that her parents have not contacted me at all to ask my opinion or even say "goodbye." Weird!! I guess the Jasmin saga is coming to a close very rapidly... I ask that you keep her in your prayers.

I paid $3.75 for gas this morning. I think I will have to go hungry for the rest of the day now. (;-)) What is gas where you live?