I think we all have these days, so I'm sure you can relate to me on some level. Today has just been a day of discouragement for me on different levels. I am feeling like I am not succeeding at several things I am aiming for, and I am feeling a huge case of the "blahs" today.
I think it all started when I put on my clothes today and felt no difference in them. I have been such a good girl with diet and exercise and don't think that it is showing. Now it really has only been two weeks, but for an impatient person this can be a lot to not see the slightest difference. So, I was pretty bummed about that.
Then, I have this HUGE project at work that is really testing me mentally. I just don't seem to understand a lot of it and I have felt pretty dumb today. I just don't kow why I can't get it? (We are redoing our budget and transferring it over into a whole new program.) And in the midst of that there is another challenge (that I have to keep private) brewing in the background that I think will be my biggest obstacle yet here. I'm just nervous about it and kinda wondering why this has to happen to ME during my FIRST YEAR AS AN AREA DIRECTOR. It involves some people that don't necessarily care for me or the way I do my job. Ugh, why are people so stinkin' mean?
And, I am just wanting to go home. It's summer and everyone is visiting family and friends and going on fun vacations. All I mainly get to do is work, work, work. I can't believe I haven't been home since Easter. That's a long time for a girl like me. The time just doesn't seem to be passing fast enough.
And, finally, I am trying so hard to make friends. On both Saturday night and Sunday morning I went to two different churches with intentions of seeking out people my age and hopefully connecting with them somehow. Although they were all nice, they were all, well, weird. Just not people I really "connect" with. Long story. So now I am upset because I am a mean and picky person AND I am still friendless...lol No, I do have some friends here but it's just not like how I want it/wish it to be.
OK, so that's my day. I kinda feel like Eeyore complaining away. But I guess not everyday is a happy one! Anyway, writing this is helping me to vent...so thanks for reading!
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My life going from CA to NJ and then back to CA (again!). Thinking God is leading me back to the East Coast for a second time... Here are my stories, thoughts, struggles and dreams...
Something to think about...
"Love is a feeling of the mind as much as of the heart; it concerns the will as much as the emotions; it describes the deliberate effort that we can make only with the help of God." - Unknown
A good quote...
"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." - Helen Keller
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5 comments:
Ashley, I can tell you, that your post should of been put up on my blog, word for word! I have a coworker, who kinda oversees me, but doesn't really, and is second guessing everything I do on my job. He is a bit older then me, and I think he is just upset because I picked up everything really fast (it was a totally new program as well) and I think he was upset because he couldn't get it to click as well as I could, so he found fault (and still does) with anything and everything I do. It is really starting to get on my nerves, and is bringing down my self esteem as well. I thought I was doing a good job, but with his comments, maybe I'm not. Well, after talking to other people, I have found that I am doing a good job, and I just ignore him when I can. And the one thing that makes me feel better, is that he applied for a promotion, and they threw out his application. He said he wasn't an employee of our agency and he was, so they threw out his app! This man has a PhD and couldn't figure out how to apply! Now, it is wrong probably to think it was funny, but I couldn't help myself, so I laughed in private!
As far as the friends thing go, I can totally understand that as well. It is even harder when you have to travel back to Fresno all the time, and don't get the opportunity to make friends out here. So, I feel you, and TOTALLY know what you are going through!
You're in my thoughts! Hope everything gets better soon!
Praying for you my friend. As hard as it sounds these hard times only make us stronger (I need to keep telling myself that.) Love ya lots and can't wait to see you!
We all have those kinds of days. I can especially relate to your friend situation.
Anyway, stay strong. There will always be obstacles in ministry and people who challenge you. It's just satan trying to discourage you. Keep on striving for God's best for those kids.
Ah, I can relate to your friend situation...it took me years to finally break through in the single's group at church. But God was good and has provided great friendships! And I have no doubt that He'll do the same for you...just be patient and keep doing what you're doing. :-)
And hey, there's nothing wrong with weird people--after all, you've got ME for a friend!! ;-)
Ashley - looks like you and I are having similar blah times -
hopefully this coming weekend will erase all these feelings!! And as far as friends go - I have none locally either - it makes me sad alot. The girls in my small grou pare wonderful, but I don't have the feeling that they want to be my friend :(
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