I was talking to my friend Kristin about this yesterday, and when I read my friend Hannah’s blog today I was reminded about how much this issue impacts my heart. It is the issue of relationships, particularly of those between men and women. Ahhhh, amore.

I just got done reading a book called Sacred Marriage, which I know I have mentioned earlier in my blog. Seriously, you NEED to read it, single or not. This book changed my life and has opened up my eyes to marriage and it has been wonderful. Anyway, it got me thinking even more about the subject of relationships, and particularly why God has me in the state I am now, which is that of being single.

I should mention here that while I would definitely prefer to be in a relationship, and to have a family someday, I really am OK being single. God has really provided for me and I have had many opportunities that I would not have had had I been married. (Although I’m sure that can be said as well vice versa.) And why do I want to be married? There are lots of reasons, but truly my number one reason is because I think it would better enable me to serve God and love others. Really. Someone once told me that you will see your worst sin when you are married. (The book talks a lot about that.) While that totally freaks me out, I want it very much. I want to be refined and I want to be able to grow from the wonderful/challenging/etc. relationship of marriage. It is a desire of my heart, and I don’t think that God would be cruel enough to place that there and then leave me hanging.

But yet sometimes I think I am still single because I am being punished. I am being punished for all the bad things I have done, for not being beautiful enough, for not being a certain size, for not being whatever. While I am content, I still wonder why God has me in this phase of life. Maybe that is the sinful part of me, the part that isn’t trusting in His will and His timing. I don’t know. It is a hard place to be sometimes.

I also get frustrated because I know of a lot of wonderful (and very pretty) women out there who have amazing hearts and love Jesus very much. But, because they don’t fit a worldly idea of beauty, they are often passed by. They are such gems and while this might be part of God’s plans for their lives, to wait for a bit, I often think it is because most Christian men are being sucked in to the very superficial teachings of the world. I have seen this happen firsthand several times over. This makes me very sad indeed.

Anyway, on a related note I am going back on a diet tomorrow. This seems to be the story of my life I’m afraid. And to be truthful I am doing it for superficial reasons. Sure it is a great thing to be healthy, to love your body and keep it at it’s best because it is a temple of God and we need to be good stewards of all that He gives us including food, but really I am doing it because I am feeling the pressure to fit into the world’s standards. Ugh, yet again.

This is me confessing to you that this is a struggle of mine.

Are there really good Christian men out there who will love me for what God designed me to be? Who will take me as I am no matter how I look, no matter what degrees I have, no matter what my job? Who will want to partner with me to love and serve others? Who will commit to helping me grow in Christ?

I am praying that I will be that way when I am a wife, and that my husband will have lots of grace.

I don’t need a man to complete me, or because I am occasionally lonely, etc. I know that marriage is not the answer for that. I am not looking to a man to be the answer to my longings or problems. God is all that and more. God is my soul mate.

I am just writing down the thoughts that are in my head. Your comments and prayers are appreciated.

Delish!

I love food. I love to prepare it, serve it, and eat it. Heck, I also love the food network on TV! It has always been a dream (one of many) to open up a café/bakery of my own. Or to have a job like Rachael Ray – that would be AWESOME!

Anyway, today I had a chicken sandwich for lunch. They asked me what kind of cheese I wanted…swiss or american? When I drove away I thought – wow the only cheese they had were “country” cheeses…too funny! And then I thought about how when I was in Sweden they called thousand island dressing american dressing. I wonder if in places like Canada if they have american cheese too…or if they call it by another name? Dumb, I know, but I seriously thought about this for like 30 mins. today…lol!!

In lab today one of my lab mates brought in some chips. They were, I kid you not, shrimp chips. They were regular corn chips – I mean they were crunchy and shaped like fries, and their first ingredient was wheat. She finally convinced me to try one and it tasted exactly like shrimp. It was sooooo crazy! I love shrimp, but I think I will stick to the real thing. There is just something about eating a chip that has fish listed as one of the ingredients that grosses me out.

In my next blog I will share about my time with Amy, Mandy, Kristin – and CA!

My good, and perhaps oldest friend I have (since 5th grade!) is coming to the EC tomorrow (That is a recent pic of her and her cute family). Yay, can't wait! I am off to clean so she thinks that I am a good housekeeper...hahaha. I hope you get to meet Amy - she's great!

Today Katie, the girl that I babysit, was watching Full House. I have noticed that this is a habit of hers, to grab a snack and watch some tv on TV Land. Well, today I joined her and it took me down memory lane. I used to love that show as a kid. In fact, I began to think of all the shows I used to love: Family ties, Family matters, Step by Step, Full House, Cosby, Perfect Strangers, Growing Pains, and what was that show about all those girls living in a boarding house together? I liked that show too. These are just some of the few. And do you remember TGIF nights? Those were the best!! Anyway, it has been fun remembering some things from the past. What shows did you like as a kid?

And for more fun...this will DEFINITELY take you back. Watch. Laugh. Enjoy. Sing along. LOL

http://youtube.com/watch?v=GQ5eZSa7URA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFd92qnX31w

Pics of my new place...

the woods in the backyard.

the four-plex. recognize my saturn?:)

the walkway to my apt.

my two windows.

the door to the stairs that lead to my apt.

bathroom

bathroom

bathroom

kitchen - that's the door to my spare room.

kitchen

attic off pantry

pantry off kitchen

walk-in closet in spare room

spare room

spare room

my room

my room

living room/entrance to bathroom

living room

living room

It will be a week since I have been home, tomorrow. Wow. It was a challenging transition at first. It kinda felt like a dream. But, it also had a lot to do with jet lag, I’m sure! I will be back home on Oct.3 to be in Janell’s wedding.

I came home to a car that was not how I left it. This has nothing to do with the folks that I left it with though. Poor Holli and Jeremy, it was just poor timing that they had my car when it decided to start acting up. A stone flew up and hit my windshield (or it was a bullet from gunfire, you know how ghetto Langhorne can be…lol…yeah right) while I was gone. And, the bearings and hub decided to start being annoying so I had to replace it immediately when I got home. It is still making noises (in different places), and I think I need to take it back in. But that project can wait for another day, not today.

School (PBU) started on Monday and I think I am going to really like this semester. We are studying marriage and family – and how to counsel effectively within that. It was so great to be back with those friends. It was not so great to get smacked with homework. But that comes with grad school, I guess!

I started my new nanny job yesterday. I basically pick them up from school, run them to their appts, help with homework, and start dinner. It’s not that bad. This family is going through some hard times so I am happy to help them out. I am hoping to show them Christ and really serve them well.

My hopes are to get YL back up and running again in two weeks. I miss those kids and hanging with the leaders!

That’s all for now…back to work for me! Enjoy your weekend!!

I made it to dirty Jersey. When I catch my breath (and feel like it:)) I will update you on all that has been happening. For now it is back to work.

If you know me at all you know how much I love animals. I thought that this blog would be about the Phelan family animals – Mille and Molle (pronounced as Molly). They are both Labrador Retrievers. Mille (pronounced Millie) is black and Molle is chocolate.

Mille was a gift from Ryan (my brother) to my dad on Christmas of 99. My dad opened a card and there was a picture of a puppy in it. As soon as the puppies were weaned it was all his, the Christmas card explained. My dad was so excited, but my mom wasn’t – my brother purposely didn’t ask because he knew she would say, “no.” But he knew that my dad is an animal lover (where I get it from) and would fall in love with the dog the instant he saw the picture. So, the countdown began and Mille arrived in January of 2000.

In fact, her name is short for Millennium. Mille – Millennium, get it? Oh we are sooo clever.

Anyway, I don’t remember how long, but it must have been a couple of years (and after Brooke and Ryan got married), after we got Mille that I had a dream about her. I dreamt that I was in my parent’s back yard and they had two dogs. The were both dark Labrador Retrievers and I was so shocked that they now had two dogs, especially when my mom could barely handle one. In my dream I asked my parents what was going on and they said that they got another dog and decided to name her Molle. When I woke up from the dream the next morning I called and told my parents. They thought it was so funny because their names matched, but they assured me that one dog was enough. Somehow Brooke and Ryan were also told the story. Unbeknownst to me they had been thinking about getting a dog. And wouldn’t you know it – they decided on a chocolate Labrador Retriever and named her…Molle.

I love coming home to CA to see family and friends, and of course I love seeing the dogs too. I still consider Mille my dog even though technically she isn’t. Mille cracks me up. She is the spoiled child now that Ryan and I are gone. She gets a two-mile run every morning (rain or shine) and she loooooves to swim. She is in my parent’s pool more then anyone else. She is quite the swimmer actually.

And Molle is really mourning the fact that she is no longer the only child at Brooke and Ryan’s house. Now that Sullivan is there, Molle is constantly trying to get people to turn their attention to her. She will bring toys and drop them in your lap, and she is always at your heels. She really is a sweet dog and good with the baby, so of course we don’t mind. When I was there yesterday, I was sitting on the couch holding the baby in my lap. Brooke came by and picked up the baby to change her, and as soon as I let go of Sullivan, Molle climbed up, all the way, in my lap. Can you imagine having a full-grown, 70ish pound dog in your lap trying to be a baby? I was laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee my pants. She is just a big puppy who wants to be loved too.

If I could I would have an animal in New Jersey. But, I am gone way too much for it to be fair to the animal. They are so much company though, and I love them so much. When I can get one I will get a Labrador Retriever though, although I think a yellow one. But what should I name her? Mille and Molle go together, but it is hard for me to think of something else that fits. Hmmmm… I don’t think that that's very urgent right now. Ha! I will cross that bridge when I get there, which won’t be for at least a year and possibly more.

goodbye 27, hello 28.

i have now been an adult for ten years. wow. if you had asked me at 18 what i thought the next 10 years would look like, i certainly would have had a much different answer from what has actually happened. but that just goes to show who really is in charge of my life - god!:) it has been an equally good and challenging 10 years. i have had many memorable experiences with and without loved ones, traveled lots, met wonderful friends, and have learned so much.

god is good...and faithful. here's to the next ten.

I am sitting in my hotel room right now with the windows open. I can hear the cable car going by (ding, ding, ding) and all the other wonderful sounds of a big city. On top of that, a cool wind is blowing in and it is fabulous. Mid-60’s weather at the most right now, I would guess. Ahhhh, San Francisco.

My mom and I drove in on Saturday morning and are leaving today. We came in for the holiday weekend and it has been a really nice trip. We have made it a tradition to come into San Fran every summer for the past 3 (or 4?) years. It is a tradition that will continue for sure.

Highlights include seeing “A Chorus Line,” seeing the sea lions (my favorite attraction of this city), the great weather, riding a cable car, getting lost on the bus, Ghiradelli’s and all the other yummy places, shopping, and (of course) spending quality time with mi madre.

The Bay Bridge is closed today (East Bound) so we will be taking the slightly longer route out of the city. No worries. We will be making a stop in Fresno on our way back to pick up a relative and take her to Kingsburg with us.

At this time a week from today I will be back in New Jersey. On Monday I start school and leave that night for Ocean City New Jersey for a work conference. I will be back on Wednesday and then start my new nanny job on Thursday. Then fall will be underway. Wow!

To all my Cali readers: I do have a good four days left and if I haven’t seen you yet PLEASE give me a call. I want to see everyone and don’t want to leave YOU out. This is me asking you to hang out – so call me!

Hope you are having a good Labor day…

It is Wednesday already? Kinda hard to believe. I have been having a good time here in the valley. So far I have spent time with local family and seen a couple of friends. I still have a couple more friends I am hoping to see before I leave. (You know who you are!:)) I also have been doing some shopping, went to one of Ryan’s games, been out to eat at some of our local establishments (go Mexican food!), and relaxed a lot.

I brought home with me four books to read. I am normally not a big reader, although I used to be growing up, and this summer I have really gotten back into it. At Saranac I read Blue Like Jazz and He’s Just Not That Into You. I brought home Redeeming Love, For Women Only (basically the Christian equivalent of He’s Just Not That Into You…but goes beyond dating) and two schoolbooks – Sacred Marriage and another book on forgiveness (can’t remember the name) that I have to read for a class. I finished Redeeming Love and I’m about halfway through For Women Only. I told myself I was going to also read and finish one schoolbook this week and next so I can have a head start on the semester. Better get on that I guess. I also just got an email from my boss asking us to have How People Grow read by Sept.11. Whew!

Anyway, today I am hoping to go to breakfast with my dad and then I am going to be helping Brooke run errands with the baby. It is still kinda hard for her to do everything by herself and of course I am happy to help. The baby is adorable and has quickly become the highlight of my trip home. She is already developing a little personality and is such a good baby. I love her, and it makes me hope that one day I can experience all of this myself.

I am going to San Fran for the weekend. Yay!!:)

A week from today is the big 2-8. Wow.

yesterday i went shopping in fresno and made a stop at the riverpark target. i loooove target. much to my surprise they now have a starbucks in the target!!

starbucks in target? i think i have died and gone to heaven.

Californiaaaaaa,
Californiaaaaaa,
Here I coooooooooooooome!

Well, actually I am already here but that is a fun song to sing anyway.:) So hello from the golden state!! I have been here since Sunday night. Wow, it is good to be home again. Weird, but good.

I say weird because in a way it seems like I haven’t left. It is funny how easily I can fall into an old routine again. I remember how to get everywhere, people seem the same, places are (mostly) the same and Jersey seems like a distant world. I really do feel like I live two lives – an East Coast one and a West Coast one. It’s pretty crazy, but I like it.

I don’t have many plans (aside from San Francisco, spending time with my niece, Janell’s shower and the normal catching up with people) while I am home so I do hope that all of you WC people who are reading this will give me a call. I would love to hang out with all of you.

More in a few days! I’m off to Fres-yes…haven’t been there in eight months, crazy! Whoever thought I would miss Fresno??;)

hello there prayer partners,

as i write this i am sitting in the golden state. i got in late last night and i am glad to be here. i just wanted to write you one last email to thank you for praying for our time at saranac.

i can go into many stories of our time. but, simply put, it was wonderful. god taught me a lot. i was so blessed to be a part of it.

thanks for your faithfulness in praying.

love, ashley

hi everyone,

this is my second to last prayer update email. i will write once more on saturday or sunday when i return to jersey.:) thanks so much for being on our prayer team!!

please pray for:
-campers as they hear the cross talk tonight
-leaders as they interact with the kids
-assignment team, summer staff and work crew as we prepare to leave
-that the a-team kids would not have chicken pox (still undetermined) and if it is, that it won't spread
-safe trip home
-me to continue to get over being sick

thank god for:
-a wonderful three weeks
-kids who met christ
-good weather to end on
-new friends
-this chance to serve him in this capacity
-saranac

i hope you all are well! drop me a line if you have a chance.

thanks, ashley

happy sunday everyone,

i had the best day contact work wise with summer staff today. we had great talks and i really feel like i had the opportunity to have quality time with most of them. it was amazing. praise the lord for that.

some of you know that i have been sick. i was really out of commission a couple of days ago but at least today i feel strong enough to be up and around. please pray that i will feel better soon. this sore throat is SO ANNOYING...and the only thing i have left to get rid of.

we have a new speaker this week. his name is daniel and he is from california (ooooooh yeah). he was brought in by the request of the "higher uppers" in yl due to our 110 asian yl kids here. his girlfriend becky is here as well. please pray that they will feel like a part of our team and that kids will hear the words that the lord is speaking through him.

everyone arrived at camp safely today. praise the lord!

another praise - i have a niece now. sullivan hadley phelan. can't wait to see her.

i will write again in a couple of days. thanks for praying with me as we enter our last week!

love, ashley

i became an aunt this morning...and it's a girl!

sullivan hadley phelan

may she follow jesus and know love and service to the fullest.

i'll post pics as soon as i get my hands on some!

hi all,

today we are at the halfway point. hard to believe and it is bittersweet. thanks for all your prayers!

things here are going well. the weather has cooled off tremendously and that has been amazing. last night we had a low of 45! that is winter in central california.;) it has been great - and it really has been making camp more "comfortable" for everyone. praise the lord for that.

last night when we were cleaning up from the rodeo we were taking down the wooden cows (we hang from the ceiling) and one of the ss girls, julia, got hit in the head when one fell on her. thankfully it did not require stitches but it did shake her up a bit. please pray for healing.

the ss is feeling tired and a couple are in bed sick today. please pray for their health.

as always, please pray that jesus will be prominent in everything we do.

personally i am doing well. i am anxious to go home (to california). knowing that i get to go home next sunday, after being away for 8 months (i haven't been home since christmas), is super exciting. i will get to see family, friends, etc. please also pray for my new niece or nephew who is to arrive any day. i am so excited to be an aunt.

"j" is hanging in there. i am communicating with her via email and phone with possible and she seems to be doing better. please continue to pray for her.

i hope all is well with you all. drop me a line if you have a chance.

blessings, ashley

praises:

-we had 85 people stand up today and say that they decided to give their hearts to jesus this week. it was amazing.
-we all made it through the week safely and had a lot of fun doing hard work together.
-my awesome night in lake placid with the summer staff girls. one girl (college age) said, "i hope i am as cool as you when i am old!" am i that old?? since when did a 20-year-old think 27 was old?? too funny!
-the fact that god loves me and you - and is 100% passionate about us.

requests:

-i was on the phone with john tonight when i noticed my call waiting going off. i didn't answer because i didn't recognize the number and i thought they could leave a message and i would call them later. well, they ended up getting saranac's number off of my voicemail, which i have listed as an emergency number, and got a hold of me that way. it ended up being a girl from my club at home who needed to talk to me. due to privacy - and the fact that this is a public forum - i will not put anymore here. just pray for her and her situation. that she will have peace and clarity from her creator.
-my broken toe - that it will heal soon!!! -our new batch of campers. -that i will be able to serve others as jesus would.