As we kick off YL with our first club on Wednesday I am thinking of this poem...it's one of my favorites.

I Stand by the Door by Sam Shoemaker
I stand by the door. I neither go too far in, nor stay too far out, The door is the most important door in the world- It is the door through which people walk when they find God. There's no use my going way inside, and staying there, When so many are still outside and they, as much as I, Crave to know where the door is. And all that so many ever find Is only the wall where a door ought to be. They creep along the wall like blind people, With outstretched, groping hands. Feeling for a door, knowing there must be a door, Yet they never find it ... So I stand by the door.
The most tremendous thing in the world Is for people to find that door--the door to God. The most important thing any person can do Is to take hold of one of those blind, groping hands, And put it on the latch--the latch that only clicks And opens to the person's own touch. People die outside that door, as starving beggars die On cold nights in cruel cities in the dead of winter— Die for want of what is within their grasp. They live, on the other side of it--live because they have not found it. Nothing else matters compared to helping them find it, And open it, and walk in, and find Him ... So I stand by the door.
Go in, great saints, go all the way in-- Go way down into the cavernous cellars, And way up into the spacious attics-- It is a vast roomy house, this house where God is. Go into the deepest of hidden casements, Of withdrawal, of silence, of sainthood. Some must inhabit those inner rooms. And know the depths and heights of God, And call outside to the rest of us how wonderful it is. Sometimes I take a deeper look in, Sometimes venture in a little farther; But my place seems closer to the opening ... So I stand by the door.
There is another reason why I stand there. Some people get part way in and become afraid Lest God and the zeal of His house devour them For God is so very great, and asks all of us. And these people feel a cosmic claustrophobia, And want to get out. "Let me out!" they cry, And the people way inside only terrify, them more. Somebody must be by the door to tell them that they are spoiled For the old life, they have seen too much: Once taste God, and nothing but God will do any more. Somebody must be watching for the frightened Who seek to sneak out just where they came in, To tell them how much better it is inside. The people too far in do not see how near these are To leaving--preoccupied with the wonder of it all. Somebody must watch for those who have entered the door, But would like to run away. So for them, too, I stand by the door.
I admire the people who go way in. But I wish they would not forget how it was Before they got in. Then they would be able to help The people who have not, yet even found the door, Or the people who want to run away again from God, You can go in too deeply, and stay in too long, And forget the people outside the door. As for me, I shall take my old accustomed place, Near enough to God to hear Him, and know He is there, But not so far from people as not to hear them, And remember they are there, too. Where? Outside the door-- Thousands of them, millions of them. But--more important for me-- One of them, two of them, ten of them, Whose hands I am intended to put on the latch. So I shall stand by the door and wait For those who seek it. "I had rather be a door-keeper ..." So I stand by the door.

You can all be a door-keeper in your own way. Blessings on you as you shine for Jesus this week!

Because I did a lot of complaining in my last email I decided to only write about thankful things today!

*I am thankful for a fun part of the country to live in with so many opportunities and adventures.

*I am thankful that I was offered a new place to live where I would pay half of what I am paying now...plus have an awesome roommate. (Still praying if that is where God wants me.)

*I am thankful for all the new YL contacts God has given me for YLWJ.

*I am thankful for the committee members and friends of YLWJ who have really taken me in.

*I am thankful for the amazing time I am having at PBU.

*I am thankful that Fall is just around the corner!!

*I am thankful that I have a job that I really enjoy.

*I am thankful for FUN kids to work with.

*I am thankful for a car and house that hardly ever give me any problems at all.

*I am thankful that my nose piercing is totally cute, very small and healed very quickly.

*I am thankful for my incredible family and friends who still love me even though they aren't in the same state as me.

*I am thankful for the grace, mercy and love I experience every day from my redeemer.

*I am thankful for you who care enough about me to read my blog.;)

Church rage. It is something I get a lot. You know how people get road rage (well, I get that too sometimes...lol) ? It's like that except directed at some churches. I was so upset on Sunday that I think I am going to try to find a new church.

Most of you know where I am attending church but just in case I don't want to post the name of it on here because I do not feel like it is right to totally bad-mouth this church. I mean, altogether it is a wonderful church and there are some people there who really love the Lord. After a year there of trying to make it my home though it still doesn't seem like a great fit. And Sunday I was sent over the edge.

I came in to church late. (As usual.) It was pretty full due to the 9/11 service and the kick off of the school year. I ended up sitting in the back row. Anyway, I noticed that I was sitting right by an usher because he was up helping when I came in and came and sat down by me when he was done. Well, you would think during "greeting" time he would have introduced himself, etc. since he had never seen me before and vice versa but he totally blew me off. Then about 15 mins. into the service his wife came in and he whispered to me, "Can you scoot over? Thanks!" And totally made me move so his wife could sit next to him. But the kicker is that there was an empty seat on the other side of him that was totally open and wasn't reserved for anybody. If he wanted his wife to not sit on the outside I don't know why he just didn't scoot over to that chair himself and let his wife have his seat. But, no, he asks me, a complete stranger to move. Then he talked to his wife through the whole service, and they rushed right out afterward. Nothing towards me at all. I was really hurt. To him I was a complete stranger and I can't believe that he would do that towards a stranger at church. I felt really rejected and frankly mad that he put the comfort of himself and wife over me, who really could have been a first time visitor to his church. I know I am being very picky about this but it totally got to me.

Other things bother me at some churches too...like when people sit on the ends of pews and don't scoot towards the middle for newcomers or people who come in late (because how would a first time church goer feel if they had to search for a seat and feel like all eyes were on them?), when people "save" seats and when people don't genuinely make others feel welcome and try to immediately include them.

I have tried to be a part of my church and it's just not working. Of course I am to blame for this as well. I have not gone consistently (due to my job) and I am not the most outgoing person either. But I have been there a year now and probably only know a handful of names. And frankly I don't think anyone would miss me if I moved on...which tells me it's time to move on. I would love for a church body here to be like my family and so far I haven't had that in NJ.

Do any of you ever get annoyed with some churches or get church rage yourself?

I'm back on the "other side" and have been for a week now. Crazy! I apologize for not posting for a while. I never seem to post that regularly, and then always promise myself that I'll become better at it. Then two weeks slip by and I notice that I need to update. Guess I'm just not that good of a blogger!! Maybe I'll get the hang of it sometime.;)

I flew back to NJ last Sunday. By the time I got back to my house it was very early Monday. That whole day was an adventure. My flights didn't go as planned (but that really turned out to be OK, gave me extra time in CA to hang out), I was feeling sick and I got pulled over on my way home. (He just wanted to see where I was headed...I was on a kinda rural road. No ticket and he had no reason to "get me" anyway...that whole thing was strange.) Then I ended up going to the ER at 4:30 in the morning. It's a long story but I'm OK and feel 100% better!

Then I went to Ocean Grove, NJ for a staff retreat. It was my first time to the Jersey shore. It was nice...but not like CA! And who knew one has to pay to actually go on the beach? (Or at least in Ocean Grove. Can someone say rip off?) Anyway, they have boardwalks there and games and what not. Kinda like Santa Cruz on crack. Cross the Fresno Fair with a huge boardwalk with Pismo beach and you've go the Jersey shore. It's fun and I'd like to go back. We stayed at a bed and breakfast and the time with staff was good. Who doesn't like hanging out with YL people?

Now I'm back in Flemington. I'm kind of having a tough time readjusting to being back, for several reasons, so please pray for me. I think this week will be tough as well.

But, I can't end this blog on a discouraging note! There is one "new" thing about me...and some would think it is "fun" although getting it done was not. Guess you'll have to see me to find out what it is!;) But I am still deciding if I will be keeping it or not!!

I'm so sad to be going back to NJ in a few days. I love Kingsburg and I love being home. When I am in NJ I force myself to not think about CA so I won't get homesick. But the transition is always difficult. I grew up in the valley. I know people here. I mean, really know them and they know me. People genuinely like me here...not because I am their AD or because they feel sorry for me because I am by myself across the country from friends and family. (Although I am sure not everyone is like that there in NJ.) Anyway, it's so good to go places and be able to call each other by name, know each other's stories and history, and catch up. In some ways it is like no time has passed.

Everywhere I went today I ran into people I knew. Sometimes multiple people in one place. That's what I love so much about a small town. It's great. This vacation has allowed me to see many people, more so then any other time here this year. Thanks so much to all my friends and family for making my time here special.

I go back to the East Coast on Sunday. I am hoping these last few days here will go by slowly. I'm not ready to go back yet.

But, it's not about me though, is it? God has called me to New Jersey and so far I feel like He wants me to stick out my three year commitment there. He has not told me to go anywhere else, so I am happy to stay put. He has certainly provided during my last year there! I have had many adventures and have grown in many ways. My heart has been touched by those kids and I do hope that God feels that I have been obedient to Him in my job and life in Hunterdon County.

This next school year is already filling up with new plans, dreams and tasks. On one hand I am super excited. On the other I feel exhausted already. Guess I am in a good place to completely rely on the Lord!

Update - I was thinking of getting my nose pierced. Well, unfortunately PBU does not allow it. Guess that was God's way of saying, "no." That's OK. I'm not too disappointed about that one.

I don't mean to be vain...but I am really freaking about about turning 27 soon. That is three years from 30. I still feel like I am in college! Where does the time go? Oh my goodness. It's crazy stuff.

Well here goes another try for posting today. I tried earlier this morning and then the computer decided to "act up" and I wasn't able to recover the post. Hopefully this will work this time!

It has been a long time since I posted and I have so much to catch you up on! But first I should give you all a happy hello from the golden state! I am in CA until the 28th and it is so nice to be home. There truly is no place like it!

I have been very busy! Two weekends ago Kristin came and visited. It was fun to have her in Jersey. Then last week I was swamped with getting our booths ready for the Revelation Generation concert. The concert was Saturday and I was there all day. I was exhausted when I got home. I can't remember if I told you all about the concert or not? Well, long story short it was a day long event where semi-famous Christian bands were invited to come and play. There were also booths of different sorts there. WCers think Spirit West Coast but for one day. ECers think Creation but for one day. This was the first year for RG though so it was on a much smaller scale. Anyway, we had a food booth and info booth there. We (YL) was hoping to raise some much needed funds. We broke even. On one hand I am sad because it was all that work and we didn't make any profit. On the other hand I really enjoyed working with some wonderful people and making new YL contacts. It was also 99 that day. Broke a new record. Throw in a bunch of humidity and we were all sweltering. I developed heat rash that I got to come to CA with. How lovely! Anyway, I'm glad it's over with!

Sunday I flew home to CA. Of course it didn't go smoothly but I should just learn by now that I have the worst luck with flying. But I made it to CA safe and sound so that is what counts! My mom and I then went to San Fran for a couple of days. We did our typical Bay Area routine...Ghiradelli's, Pier 39, Union Square shopping, Cheesecake Factory, etc. We also went and saw "Wicked." OH MY GOSH IT WAS AMAZING! I totally recommend it. Anyone up for going to Broadway and seeing it with me? We got home last night and then went to Cattleman's to celebrate my parent's 31st anniversary.

Today I am home doing laundry and getting settled. This weekend I have a mini ADX retreat that I am looking forward to. I am also seriously considering getting my nose pierced. I just want a very small cute nose stud. One that you can hardly see at all. But I am a little nervous about not having a gun do it. I heard that usually noses are pierced with needles. Hmmm...I'll have to gather some courage for it. But I am thinking of going for it!

Well, I better go change that laundry and then I'm off to the gym. I hope to see many of you soon!!

So today is better. Yay for Fridays! Kristin will be here tonight to hang out for the weekend. We really don't have anything specific planned but we will have fun. We were going to go floating (apparently they don't call it that here because people laughed at me when I said that) but it is a little more expensive then I thought it would be. Apparently you just can't get on and off where you want like the good ol' Kings River!! Gosh I miss the valley! Anyway, it will be good times - and we are going to stay out of this ridiculous heat.

I haven't seen my groundhog friend in a while. The other day there was a skunk near my porch. Now that little critter is NOT welcome. Good thing it ran off. Hopefully I will not see it again!!

Well I mentioned in my last blog that I had some things going on at work. My vision statement for our area is coming along, as well as our budget. I don't think I will have them done by the time I go home to CA...which is what I was hoping. But, I did manage to get a huge dent in it. That's good. It's not due until the 29th after all. I was just trying to not be a procrastinator for once in my life!! Anyway, a whole new situation developed with some of my kids and it is quite major. I hit the roof when I became aware of it. We need prayer...someone can potentially get fired over this whole thing, it's that serious. Ick.

I got on the scale today and was actually pleasantly surprised. Not nearly what I was expecting. (And that's a good thing.) So I felt better about myself. I have gone to the gym everyday this week and have watched what I ate. I think it is (finally) beginning to pay off. Actually if I lose 30 pounds I will be at my high school weight. So that is my goal - to get to that by Christmas. I don't mean to be an "typical girl" who is constantly worrying about her weight or not happy with herself. I just want to be the best I can be - and I truly think that that will help me serve God better too. I just don't want to look back on my (almost) 27th year of life and be disappointed. Life's too short.

A week from Sunday I will be flying back to the golden state. Can't wait.

I think we all have these days, so I'm sure you can relate to me on some level. Today has just been a day of discouragement for me on different levels. I am feeling like I am not succeeding at several things I am aiming for, and I am feeling a huge case of the "blahs" today.

I think it all started when I put on my clothes today and felt no difference in them. I have been such a good girl with diet and exercise and don't think that it is showing. Now it really has only been two weeks, but for an impatient person this can be a lot to not see the slightest difference. So, I was pretty bummed about that.

Then, I have this HUGE project at work that is really testing me mentally. I just don't seem to understand a lot of it and I have felt pretty dumb today. I just don't kow why I can't get it? (We are redoing our budget and transferring it over into a whole new program.) And in the midst of that there is another challenge (that I have to keep private) brewing in the background that I think will be my biggest obstacle yet here. I'm just nervous about it and kinda wondering why this has to happen to ME during my FIRST YEAR AS AN AREA DIRECTOR. It involves some people that don't necessarily care for me or the way I do my job. Ugh, why are people so stinkin' mean?

And, I am just wanting to go home. It's summer and everyone is visiting family and friends and going on fun vacations. All I mainly get to do is work, work, work. I can't believe I haven't been home since Easter. That's a long time for a girl like me. The time just doesn't seem to be passing fast enough.

And, finally, I am trying so hard to make friends. On both Saturday night and Sunday morning I went to two different churches with intentions of seeking out people my age and hopefully connecting with them somehow. Although they were all nice, they were all, well, weird. Just not people I really "connect" with. Long story. So now I am upset because I am a mean and picky person AND I am still friendless...lol No, I do have some friends here but it's just not like how I want it/wish it to be.

OK, so that's my day. I kinda feel like Eeyore complaining away. But I guess not everyday is a happy one! Anyway, writing this is helping me to vent...so thanks for reading!

I have a new neighbor. No it isn't the cute single Christian guy I was hoping for...;) Instead it is a fat groundhog who loves to make himself at home around my steps. I was kinda startled by him yesterday as I have never seen a groundhog around my house before. (We have tons of them in this area - but I am on a somewhat busy street.) Poor little thing must have gotten lost. Anyway, he (or she!) seems to be enjoying my place since it has not left! It scurries under my porch whenever I get too close so I'm not scared of it...just think it's funny. If you were from CA, you would think so too!

On to a more important subject...

A group of boys went down to camp today in Goshen, Virginia. (Young Life's Rockbridge.) Please keep them in prayer. It is YLWJ's first wyld life camp experience ever...yay!

The weather was actually decent today...ptl! OK...off to the gym...or do I want to exercise outside??

What should I name him or her??? I'm taking suggestions! 

This morning I turned on the radio and heard Christmas music on several stations. I thought, "What in the world is going on?" But I was so excited because I absolutely love Christmas music and Christmas time. Well, I finally figured out that today is the 25th and we are 5 months away from the big day. Turns out people were celebrating Christmas in July. How fun! It made for some good listening while heading back to New Jersey from Virginia.

This past weekend I went down to visit Kristin. She and I went to Lancaster County on Saturday and Sunday. It was GORGEOUS there. Maybe I'll do YL there someday if central PA doesn't work out? Who knows?? But is was a lot of fun. We stayed at a really cute (and old - but charming) hotel, took a tour by bus and train, drove ourselves around a bit and ate at fun places. The pics below were mostly taken by Kristin - so Kristin thanks for sharing!

Camp pics are below as well. It was a great week. Upstate New York is very nice. Can't wait to go and do some more exploring. Anyone up for a trip to that part of the state? The highlight of course was that all 10 non-believing kids became Christians. PTL!

Today was "triple H" which means hot, hazy and humid. Yikes! So not fun. I am so grateful for my brand new air conditioner unit! This is a fun story and I will close with this...

My apartment (one of three in a big old house) does not have air conditioning. I thought I would be able to make it through this summer and then worry about getting a window AC next year. (Since I was going to be gone so much for work, etc.) Well, I came home from camp and my house was like an oven. There was no way I was going to be able to make it through this summer. Plus, I sleep upstairs (and my computer is here as well) and heat rises so therefore I was just miserable. (To sleep I had to completely soak my pajamas with cold water and put a fan up to the side of my bed.) I didn't know what I was going to do as I am not exactly able to just go out and buy an AC unit. Anyway, I got a random call from a committee couple who wanted to drop by. They came by and brought with them a window AC unit! I was so surprised, thankful and shocked that I started crying. Isn't God good? They even put it in for me. Now life is so much better in my house...or at least upstairs!!

I am coming home to CA soon - I CAN'T WAIT!

Going for a drive. 

In front of our hotel. 

Covered bridge in Lancaster County. 

Love those whoopee pies! 

Us again. 

Hanging out. 

Some of the boys on 50's night. 

Our volleyball uniforms - :) 

YLWJ girls on our parasailing trip at Saranac.