Wedding
This weekend my cousin Scott is getting married. That means I am the last one on the Murray side (of the cousins) to be married. Weird, I never imagined myself as being the last one to get married. Anyway, I haven't been to a wedding in a while and it should be good. Lots of family will be in town which will make for fun times (hopefully)!:-)
Speaking of weddings...
Jerelyn's bridal party went shopping to David's Bridal on Saturday. (Which included Kristin since she was in town. Great seeing her as always - one of my bestest friends.) I must say that I was pleasantly surprised with David's Bridal and anticipate going there for my own wedding. I had horrible experiences in two of the other weddings I was in and their shops - and I definitely want to go to a place that is friendly and decent. David's was just that. Visit Jer's page to hear more on how the day went - I don't want to steal her thunder. But let's just say we are going to be one hot bridal party with an even hotter bride!
Weather
This weekend it felt like June! Yesterday my car thermometer read 94 degrees. Whew! I like warm weather but I don't like sweltering under the sun. I put on my air conditioner - yup, in April. It was out of necessity, I promise! I think we are supposed to be in the 80's for the rest of the week... Guess this means I have to go get some appropriate summer clothing hehehe!
Ugh, so expensive!
OK, I know I keep posting about the gas prices. Today I paid $4.05. The secretary just told me that she heard the cheapest place for gas is the Costco on Herndon. That is way out of my way unfortunately. Seriously, I don't know what I am going to do if these prices keep going up!
Walking
At least one thing that is free is exercising with my mom, SIL, and niece. I really enjoy it. My niece is always so cute when we go. She insists I stay right by her, and I mean RIGHT BY HER. I can't be up on the sidewalk with her on the street or vice versa. She also likes to hold my hand and sing some songs as we walk. Her most favorite thing, however, is going over speed bumps. She has a one track mind as she will ask over an over, "Bump?" "Bump?" "Bump?" She usually gets to go over some bumps...either in the Free Church parking lot we'll take as a detour or the softball alley by the high school or both. Simple pleasures! I also enjoy the social aspect of it and spending time with my mom and Brooke. Exercise is so much better when done with someone else! We have made a habit of it and go mostly every weekday. So why am I not losing weight??
So many projects...
I seriously have so much to do and have little time or money to do it. A house that needs to be cleaned, shrubs that need to be planted, snail bait that needs to be dispersed, new bathroom mirrors that need to be hung, laundry that needs to be done, bills to be paid, etc. I know, I know I am not as busy as working moms (which is a busyness I really look forward to). For me and my lifestyle though I am genuinely busy. Ugh! The list never ends. Help!
Cruise
I am going to Alaska this summer! SO EXCITED! My dad bought our family tickets. My parents, me, my brother, SIL, and niece will be going. It is to celebrate their anniversary. We are traveling in late July. I have never been on a cruise before - and I am super excited about seeing British Columbia and Alaska. The only bummer is that we will not be stopping in Seattle so I can't see Hannah. Boo! Anyone been and have advice on excursions to do?
House Cleaner
I am considering getting a once a month house cleaner. Any suggestions on a safe, trustworthy, professional, and dependable person?
NYC
The time is almost here! I can't wait to go back to the EC! And to my neck of the woods too. Will it be good? Will it be weird? Probably a little of both. It truly is the greatest city in the world!
Jersey (the kitten)
He is getting fixed, micro chipped, and a leukemia shot on Thursday. Poor kitty. Once he has healed though he will be able to (finally!) be an outdoor/indoor cat and that is going to rock his world (in a good way!). He desperately wants to go outside. He is a good kitten...about 50% of the time hehehe.:-)
Almost a year...
It will be a year on May 23. I cannot believe it. I wonder what this next year will hold. Sometimes it is hard for me to believe I am back. In Kingsburg. Hmmm... This year has been a challenge in a couple of ways (Jasmin and cheer). It has also been really good to be back with family and WC friends too. Wow, A YEAR. Crazy!!

Just filled up my tank and gas is now at $3.99/gallon. I just saw on the news the NJ's gas goes up by 22cents tomorrow. That's a big jump! I loved the cheap gas in NJ - and the fact someone else pumped it for me.:-)

Last night I went to Panera Bread in Hanford with Deborah and Jerelyn. It was a great girl's night out - even if it was as low key as eating and chatting. I am so excited that Panera has made its way out to the WC. Every time I go in there it is like I am back at "home" on the EC. We had a wonderful time and before we knew it we had stayed out later then any of us had planned - and I am feeling it today! (Who knew getting home at 10 PM on a work night would be considered late to me? I must be getting old!;-)) I couldn't sleep much last night and woke up every couple of hours. I wondered if it was what I drank but the soda didn't have any caffeine in it. Maybe I was just too wound up after a fun night out with friends...:-) Totally worth it though! We all agreed we needed to do it again soon. I am blessed to have so many good friends. Too bad they can't all live in the same city as me...!!

Kristin surprised me with a license plate order for Christmas and they came into DMV on Wednesday. I am so proud to drive with these around...'cause you know its true! I do love the East Coast! Having these license plates make me smile. Thanks Kristin!

I just paid $3.91 for gas...crazy!

Since November I have been on a huge reading kick. I was the occasional reader outside of high school and undergrad (and free time in grad school meant reading counseling books by mostly Christian therapists) and would pick up a book every now and then - but lately I have been devouring books. It has been so great and it gives me something different to do during my lunch break and while sitting at court waiting for the foster kids' cases to be heard. A couple of months ago I finished the first chick-lit (and very cute) book Hannah had sent to me in the Shopaholic series when I decided to order the sequels from Amazon. While I was waiting for the order to be shipped I asked my mom if she had anything I could read. She gave me the series called Abram's Daughter's by Beverly Lewis. She got this series for Christmas and read and loved it, and told me I would as well. At first I thought it would be really cheesy. But, I love the Amish people, as many of you know, and thought I would give it a try. Simply put, I fell in love with this series. I could not put it down and I would pick up the book whenever I had some free time. Not only did I learn a lot, it gave me a renewed sense of joy in God's characteristics and I finished wishing I can someday have the strength and beauty of character like Leah - the main character. I definitely recommend this series. I am sad it is over... In the meantime I received my shipment from Amazon and I am happily reading the second book in the Shopaholic Series. I am also looking forwarding to reading Now and Not Yet - which I hear from Hannah is excellent and really speaks into single Christian women's lives of the Lord's timing. Sounds good to me! What books have you been reading that you recommend I put on my list?

And you thought the Jasmin drama was done...well, me too! But not quite. Knowing Jasmin - she had to go out with as much drama as possible. That girl is the definition of high maintenance - but I love her for that because that is how she was wired - even though I had days where I was annoyed to no end!!:-)

Yesterday morning I received a call from the high school. I looked down at my cell phone and immediately thought that they were calling me about cheer or something of that nature. When I answered the superintendent greeted me (and the joy of living in a small town - we know each other personally) and she told me she had Jasmin in her office. She then told me that Jasmin was "struck by a truck" but that she was "ok." Of course I immediately became concerned and after hearing she was alright I asked for the full story...

Apparently Jasmin was at Tom's (a local donut shop) to get coffee during break (or recess). I should note here that KHS is a CLOSED campus during break - meaning that Jasmin was disobeying by choosing to walk to Tom's (and she later told me she did it all the time or walked home too - no wonder she doesn't have friends...she hid from them at break and lunch!). She was making her way back to campus when she was hit. According to Jasmin, she was not watching the cars and immediately stepped out into the crosswalk when the little walkie guy came up on the sign. At the same time a white truck was making a right hand turn onto the street she was attempting to cross. He was looking to the left since he had a red light and didn't see her when he turned. From the way I understand it, he clipped her knee which hurt and startled her and she fell back, lost her balance, and had to crawl back to the sidewalk. The truck did not stop (although truthfully I wonder if he even noticed...) The car behind the truck saw what happened and stopped and helped Jasmin. She assured him she would be fine and she then hobbled to the office to report what happened. The police and ambulance were then called. A hit and run report was filed, Jasmin was assessed and told she had just a simple bruised knee and she just needed to ice it, and I was called. Unfortunately the video recorded from the cameras at the high school did not catch the incident because she was too far away from the high school.

When I arrived at the high school I had three thoughts when I first saw Jasmin. 1)Her knee looks fine - not red, not swollen, and she was beginning to walk like normal...all is good health wise. 2)Since she was texting on the phone when I walked into the room (never mind the fact that she can't have a cell phone on campus, ugh!) she must not be in that much pain and 3)She knows she can't wear spaghetti strap tank tops to school...what is she thinking??!! I asked her to tell me her story and she did and of course didn't mention the fact that had she stayed where she was supposed to be this wouldn't have happened. Of course I gave her as much compassion as I could - I think it was more scary for her then anything else, and helped her to rethink how this situation could have been different or better yet - avoided. At that time the superintendent came and talked with me and she called the officer who took the report who came to the school and talked with me.

Linda then talked to me about how Jasmin had told her she was switching host families. This frustrated me because I had asked Jasmin the night before to please, PLEASE, tell the truth as to why she was leaving KHS...that it was a small town, that I wanted to keep my good reputation, etc. Apparently she decided it would be easier to not tell the school it was because she wanted to have friends at Clovis East because I had to spend the next five minutes telling the superintendent the truth and that, unfortunately, I cannot change Jasmin's mind or keep her like I had committed and wanted to. Jasmin just sat there.

I then took Jasmin home and called Cheryl, who if you remember, was supposed to come get Jasmin later in the evening. Cheryl decided to come down right away once she heard of the incident and I told her she should come anyway because Cheryl needed to be the one to officially check her out of KHS - that I could not. So Cheryl told me to tell Jasmin that she would go ahead and take her once she got to town. This sent Jasmin into a flurry of activity - and she definitely let me know she wasn't happy about it. Of course Jasmin didn't pack at all on Sunday, or clean, and she suddenly was rushing around trying to get everything done. She got mad at me when I asked her if she had done this or that (which she promised to do like three weeks ago), or when I told her that, "No, I'm sorry, but you can't leave clothes you don't want here for me to deal with." She also cleaned my bathroom with Endust and got mad when I saw her and asked her to please clean with Comet instead - which she knows how to do but was too lazy to do it right. (And, believe me, had her knee truly been hurt I wouldn't have made her clean at all. Her knee was totally fine, she was just milking it at the high school.) When Cheryl showed up she looked at Jasmin's room and bathroom and she questioned Jasmin as to why she hadn't done this yesterday. Of course Jasmin was full of excuses and at the point it didn't matter to me why. Cheryl asked Jasmin if she owed me any money and Jasmin grudgingly gave me the money she owed me for towels she had ruined (but I was very gracious with her about - and when she ruined them at the beginning of the year she said she would keep using them and replace them when she left) and money for the phone bill for her calls to Germany. She let Cheryl know how she shouldn't have to pay me for the towels - ugh, the nerve of her! This was money for two sets of brand new towels I had bought right before she got here. They were blue towels which were ruined by her face wash - apparently the bleach in the face wash was the culprit in my towels getting bleach blotches all over them. Cheryl asked her why she was being so mean to me and fighting me over towels right before she had to leave and Jasmin said she didn't know - must be her knee. Yeah right, I don't think so.

Finally Jasmin had everything packed and was loading the car. I asked Jasmin to please call my parents to say good-bye. She hadn't even made any effort to do that - or have any type of closure with any of my other family or friends she had met which also ticked me off. Cheryl did a walk through and noticed nothing had been vacuumed - bed hadn't been stripped, etc. Cheryl helped me strip the bed and I just didn't push the issue of cleaning. Jasmin was being snippy, it was hot, Cheryl was in a hurry having to get to the school and check Jasmin out, and I was soooo done with Jasmin being ungrateful and rude. Cheryl said she would give us time to say good-bye and she went out and stood by her car. Jasmin then stared me down and after an uncomfortable silence headed to the door. At this point I was so hurt. I couldn't believe the last seven months were ending this way. She was opening the door when I said, "Aren't we even going to hug good-bye?" She rolled her eyes and told me that she didn't think I would want her to hug me because I was hurt. Then I went off. I was like, "Jasmin - how can you say that??? I just gave you the last seven months of my life. I gave you my time, my money, my family, my friends, my house, my faith, my food...how can you say I wouldn't want a hug? Yes, I don't affirm this decision you are making. Yes, I do think you are making a mistake. I still love you though. I still care for you and want the best for you. I still want to keep in touch. Why are you giving me attitude and fighting me up until the very end? I just feel sad you are choosing these possible friends over me, my family, and everything this community has done for you!!!" At this point it was super hard to keep from crying. I couldn't believe her... And then she said, "Yeah, I am choosing friends over you. And its a risk I am willing to take." And with that I said, "OK" gave her a hug and told her to take care of herself. She then left.

Jasmin will be sleeping on the couch of her temporary host family. They have three kids - one of which has special needs. Jasmin's life will be much different there then here. Who knows who her new permanent host family will be - and if she will ever find one. Who knows if she will ever contact me....

This whole process has been such a struggle. I truly had good intentions going into this and hated the way it ended. That is so not like me - I like closure and going away parties and gifts. I couldn't do any of that for her. I really tried to love her and care for her these past seven months. I was firm but totally fair. I really tried my best. I don't understand why things ended the way they did - and I know I am hurt and need to process this still. Perhaps I will come to realize why God brought her here and in the meantime I am asking that God continue to teach me through this process of confusion and frustration. Perhaps He is also trying to open my eyes to something about myself??

Jerelyn wrote this to me and it made me feel better. I am including it mostly to help encourage me that these last seven months weren't in vain. I should mention here that Jerelyn, like many other family and friends in my life, went out of her way to help Jasmin be successful in her time here - by volunteering to help her take classes by independent study and be her teacher so she could catch up with the American seniors and graduate. I have many stories like that. Jane who met with Jasmin each week to do a Bible Study. My parents who had her over for dinner many times, took her shopping and to the movies, took her to the coast camping, etc. My brother and sister-in-law who did her favors and gave her rides. My extended family who welcomed her into holiday celebrations and made sure she was included in the upcoming wedding of my cousin. The friends who donated money so she could go on the two YL trips. The YL leaders who befriended her and also did favors for her. Amy who spent the weekend with Jasmin and stayed up late talking with her. My church family who made her feel like a part of the family and helped care for her when she was sick. The local doctor who took her in, even though he wasn't accepting new patients, because she was a foreigner and he wanted to make her feel welcome in our community and country. I'm sure I am leaving many stories out...

"I read this morning on your blog what happened with Jasmin. You did a great thing accepting her into your home and loving her for who she was. Giving your time, patience, money, home...etc. And asking for nothing in return but a little bit of cooperation and respect. You were a great model of a Christian woman and I have no doubt that you have influenced her in a GOOD way. I'm so sorry it ended this way and that you're disappointed. Give it time...I have a feeling it will sink in for her. And of course I'll be praying for her."

Today I am frustrated. Jasmin is leaving tonight to Clovis in order to attend Clovis East starting tomorrow. I think that this is a wrong decision on her part and have expressed that to her, but at the same time I have to release her with my love knowing that God will be traveling with her.

This all began a week and a half ago when I had to sit Jasmin down and talk to her about the lie I uncovered. She had been lying to me all along - telling me she had done her physical in order to participate in track when she had not - which was her secret way of getting out of track (she hated track and didn't want to participate even though she had signed and agreed to do it - it was a condition of her coming here - that she would do an extracurricular activity such as a sport). She was not happy when I told her she had to honor her contract and get the physical, go to track, and be a part of the team (even though she made it clear to the coach she did not want to participate). I then talked to her about her grades which have ranged from poor to fair. There truly is no excuse to get such grades from KHS. Also, American schools are notoriously far easier then European schools - so there was no excuse. Plus, she came over here to go to school and improve her grades and so far she had not done a good job and I knew her parents weren't pleased. The last thing I talked to her about was her attitude. Jasmin is (obviously) from a different culture and on top of that from a big city so coming to Kingsburg meant that she couldn't be so abrupt and that she needed to stop being rude and soften her words. Many people have told me how Jasmin had come across negatively to them, and I had experienced it firsthand on a weekly basis. I wanted to help her realize how she was coming across, even if unintentionally, and how to change so that these last two months would be better. It was a hard talk to have with her, but I wanted to be honest and loving so that it could help her in the long run.

On Saturday Cheryl, who is the international organization's rep, came over and talked with Jasmin as well. We revisited a lot of the same subjects but also talked about her room and bathroom and the friend situation. Jasmin has her own room and bathroom and since she has been closing her doors I have not fought the battle of cleaning up with her. She just has to do a thorough cleaning the last weekend of every month. Now anyone who knows me should know that this was very hard for me to swallow as I like things picked up and presentable, but I really chose to pick my battles with her and knew the room and bathroom wasn't one worth picking. Well when Cheryl saw it (it floors me how Jasmin chose not to clean it before Cheryl came over) she told Jasmin her room and bathroom had to be clean from now on and that by her not cleaning it she is sending me a message of being disrespectful. Also, Cheryl talked to her about the friend situation. You see, when Jasmin first came here she was the toast of the town. Kids were calling her to hang out, she was asked on dates, she was going to lunch, and she was asked to the Christmas dance. After Christmas break everything came to a screeching halt. Not one friend has called her - and that is not an exaggeration. She has been my shadow and I have had to be her source of entertainment as she has no friends. I should back up though and mention that I told her several times to call people to hang out and she said no - that they should call her. So she definitely has the princess mentality going on. Anyway, I have been telling Cheryl this all through this semester- that I was worried for Jasmin and how she didn't have any friends and that I was worried that it was because of how she comes across - that when she first came people loved her but when the real Jasmin came out she lost all her friends in a hurry. We confronted Jasmin about this on Saturday and she flipped out. Lots of attitude came flying out at me across the table and many sighs and eye rolling. She told me I was wrong - that she had lots of friends but that she just chose to hang out with them at school only because she got her fill of them there - that Americans are sooooo superficial. I told her that she is the only 17 1/2 year old I know that doesn't want to see or do anything with friends on the weekends. At that time Cheryl mentioned that she should just pull Jasmin out of my house because of her very bad attitude. I pleaded with Cheryl to at least give Jasmin a week to change things around before she did that. While Jasmin has been a challenge to have in my home - I knew and still know that God brought her here for a reason and that her time here is not done yet. Cheryl agreed to that and took Jasmin home with her for the weekend. When I picked her up on Sunday Jasmin told me she wanted to stay in my home and was going to try really hard to change and make it work.

On Wednesday I came home from Young Life and Cheryl and Jasmin were waiting for me. Cheryl told me that Jasmin had confessed to her that she was indeed lying about the friend situation and that she doesn't have any friends here. She said she has a reputation of being a b**** at school and that she "isn't happy but not unhappy here." Cheryl then mentioned that she thinks Jasmin needs a fresh start with a new school and that she thinks she could get Jasmin into Clovis East. She wanted Jasmin to think about it and get back to her. I was floored at this point. Jasmin doesn't need a fresh start just so she can gain friends. She needs to learn how to change herself in order to be a better person instead of doing the quick fix of changing environments. Plus, Clovis East is almost three times the size of KHS, much harder academically, and I'm sorry, but I don't think she will be able to make friends there in the time allotted. She is a senior and transferring in with other seniors who are thinking about graduation in a few weeks is not a good idea. Plus, she will be taken away from the track team she made a commitment to, beginner Bible study she was doing every week with Jane, the church family she has come to know, Young Life she went to on a weekly basis and two YL trips she went on with money people generously donated, family obligations such as a wedding coming up, and giving up her host family here who she knew and was safe with. Cheryl said that Jasmin can find a new family by handing out fliers. To me that meant she would find any ol' family - and a quick fix. Jasmin said she would think about it.

On Thursday night I came home and reminded Jasmin that we were taking her to LA this weekend and that she needed to be packed and ready by 4 on Friday. At that point she told me that she had made up her mind and decided on Clovis East and that she didn't want to go to LA but take the weekend to put up fliers instead. At this point I was so frustrated that she made such a selfish decision - and I was very hurt. My family and I have bent over backwards for her providing her with free room and board, love, favors, rides, and several trips to different places in the US. Plus, I feel like the community of Kingsburg had really rallied around her - especially the YL leaders. And yet she was so indifferent about us and thought that possible friends were better. She also said she had talked to her parents and that they told her they wanted her to be happy and that she could move. On Friday Jasmin went and stayed with Cheryl for the weekend and put up fliers. Last night she came home and packed and she is moving out tonight and that will be that I guess. She will be staying with Cheryl's assistant Regina until she finds a home. Last night I told Jasmin for the last time how I felt like she was making the wrong decision. I told her that while I send her with my love that I hope that someday she looks back and realizes that change needs to come from one's self and that that is a lesson I am still learning myself. While I wish her no ill will, I do hope that she also looks back and realizes that she had it really good here.

Anyway, this has been hard for me to process. I really feel like a failure. I still cannot understand how she can just up and leave like it is no big deal. While Jasmin was a tough cookie, my main goal in keeping her, and what I had to continually remind myself - was that God sent her here for a reason. She is not a believer but is definitely seeking. I did all I could by living my faith out in front of her - as did all the other Believers in her life while she was here, and I also took her to YL and church. I just feel like she is leaving prematurely. My job is not done with her. Most of all I worry for her spiritually. She is a very lost girl who was asking great questions and (seemed to at least) soaking in all that she was learning here. What will become of her now? God is traveling with her, and as Hannah reminded me last night God will continue to fight for her, I think it is my control issues that are getting in the way here. It's not that Jasmin was my project or anything, but I did come to care for her and as a Christian I only wanted her to come to know Jesus as well. Perhaps she still will...God is just as much at Clovis East as He is here and He certainly doesn't need me to accomplish His will in her life.

Anyway, it will be weird saying goodbye to Jasmin tonight. Originally I had planned on throwing her a good-bye party in my backyard with my new deck at the end of the year and inviting everyone who had come to care about her in Kingsburg, but now things are different. It is a hard line to walk because I want her to know I care about her and that we can keep in touch - but that I do not condone or affirm this decision she is making. Ugh, I am just frustrated with Jasmin AND her organization who put this idea in her head in the first place. Also, I should mention here that her parents have not contacted me at all to ask my opinion or even say "goodbye." Weird!! I guess the Jasmin saga is coming to a close very rapidly... I ask that you keep her in your prayers.

I paid $3.75 for gas this morning. I think I will have to go hungry for the rest of the day now. (;-)) What is gas where you live?

Here she is...

19 months...

and the cutest little girl I know!

On Saturday my mom and I took Jasmin up to see what we affectionately call "The Big Trees." It is pretty incredible to think that the world's largest trees are right in out back yard. It was a nice drive and time there. HOWEVER, I wasn't expecting there to be snow on the ground. Thank goodness I had tennis shoes in the car I could put on. As for a jacket or anything warm to put on I simply had to go without. I survived though! It was a balmy 38 degrees up there...lol Living on the EC helped me toughen up when it comes to cold weather, that's for sure!

Jasmin had a GREAT time in Mexico. She is not one to tell stories or express how much fun she had or what something means to her, but she could not stop talking about Mexico. She got "worker of the day" the very first day and was so proud of herself. She is totally glad she went and last night we went to a slide show where we got to see firsthand what they were able to experience. I do know that she still is questioning God and is taking in all this "new stuff" she is hearing about the cross and whatnot. I can tell that she is thinking about it off and on. While it has been very difficult to host her this year (for several reasons I can tell you through email) I do hope that it was worth it and that she will go home with eternal rewards.

Yesterday I cleaned my house. The last weekend of every month I make an effort to do some deep cleaning since I usually don't clean in between. I HATE CLEANING HOUSE! Now don't get me wrong, I definitely prefer and will enforce a "picked up" house. But dusting and vacuuming is the worst thing ever. Ugh. I got most everything done. Tonight I have to clean my office and Windex the mirrors in my house and then all will be good - at least for another month. I pretty much would rather do anything but this. What are chores that you hate?

Man I like this guy...too bad he won't be our president (this time around)...

A message from Mike Huckabee:

The story of Jesus' death, burial and resurrection has deep meaning to Christians for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, it is the defining moment of the Christian faith. But for the resurrection, Christianity would be nothing more than a legend, not unlike the stories from Greek or Roman mythology. As the Apostle Paul notes in I Corinthians 15:17-18, "And if Christ be not raised, your faith is in vain; ye are yet in your sins. Then they also which are fallen asleep in Christ are perished." Indeed, our very hope of eternal life depends upon the resurrection of Christ!

Beyond this, however, the resurrection is the supreme reminder that the biggest victories can come from the greatest defeats.

When Jesus walked the land of Palestine, the Jews held fast to God's promise of deliverance. Oppressed by the Romans, the children of Israel eagerly awaited the coming of the Messiah—the Savior who would overthrow their tormenters and restore the Throne of David. Many of the Jews who followed Jesus believed that He would do just that. However, when He died by the most humiliating way—death on a Roman cross—their hopes were dashed. Even as Jesus' blood poured down the tall, wooden cross into the parched ground below, their hope of salvation slipped away—or so it seemed.

We know the rest of the story. Jesus rose again. He overcame the grips of Death and Hades. Caesar did his worst, but it was not enough to keep Jesus down. As a result, salvation from sin and reconciliation with God became available to all who choose to come to Christ in faith. What was meant for evil, God turned to good. Jesus' humiliating defeat became the vehicle for the greatest victory in all of human history.

Today, our nation is going through a difficult time. The ever burgeoning number of home foreclosures have created an economic crisis not unlike the Great Depression itself. And with gas prices at record highs, the dollars in our pockets have been stretched to their limits. If this weren't bad enough, the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan—although necessary to preserve our national security—have taxed the patience of our people to their limits. To borrow from Thomas Paine, "these are the times that try men's souls."

As difficult as these times may be, though, we may look to the story of Easter for hope. Just as God used the greatest evil (the death of Jesus on the cross) to birth the greatest good (salvation for mankind), so will God use the problems we now face as a springboard for our greatest victories.

You may be going through a difficult time right now. Maybe you have lost your home, or perhaps your loved one is serving our country proudly in a war zone. You may not be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. If so, just remember that God knows right where you are. If you will only trust Him, He will lead you through this time of testing and deliver you from evil. Like a woman in childbirth, the heartache and pain you experience today will precede the greatest happiness you will ever know. Just believe.

I am going out of state for Memorial Day Weekend and I need someone to stay at my house May 22-26. You don't have to do anything but sleep there so Jasmin won't be alone late at night. (She can take care of herself with meals and the kitten, etc.) I am even willing to pay! Please consider if this is something you might be interested in doing...thanks!!

Today is Maundy Thursday. When I was a kid I thought that that interpreted to Monday-Thursday. I had no clue what it meant. Be sure to take some time out today to remember the special events that happened this day – and everyday thought this Holy Week.

I have been on Christian Café and Match.com for a bit now. I have tried Eharmony in the past before but my experience with them was not a good one – I think they are all about making money and nothing about matching people. (Long story, which I can tell you in a separate post or email if you’d like.) Anyway, nothing really to note has happened. I am kinda OK with that though... I’m not sure if I can personally go from 0-100 with someone. What I mean is that I would much rather hang out with someone and be friends first, in person, and then have something develop out of that. It is hard for me to start/join in a conversation with someone based on liking their profile. It is just a lot of pressure. I’m not saying Internet sites can’t work. I know three people off the top of my head that met their future spouse that way. It is just hard for MY personality…I just want to fall in love the old fashioned way! But, I am committed to sticking out my membership at both of those sites though. Who knows how God will use them. A little side story though – the other day I got an email from someone on Match.com. In it he said, “No offense…I have heard of she-males but never her-males running around town. LOL!” I have no idea what that means. Is he telling me I look like a guy trying to be a girl? Is he telling me I am ugly? Is he just an idiot who is intent on making someone (me) feel bad about themselves? I don’t know. It did hurt me a bit – I don’t know why a complete stranger would do that. It just reminded me how vulnerable Internet sites can be!!

I can’t lie, it has been WONDERFUL having Jasmin away for the week. She gets home tomorrow. I do look forward to hearing about her week… Only 11 weeks until she returns to Germany.

Today is my Friday. I get tomorrow off which is really nice. Of course I wish I still had a weeklong Easter break like I did when I was a kid but I am still very grateful for the three-day weekend! Tomorrow I need to go get stuff for Jasmin’s Easter basket, mail Kristin’s bday present, and go grocery shopping. I will probably help my mom paint too. (We are finishing painting in my room and painting Jasmin’s room. My dad is also building the deck outside my bedroom and I look forward to that!) Saturday I don’t have any plans. I am hoping to maybe see some friends and/or family. Sunday is church and then I am hosting Easter dinner at my house. I wish I had patio furniture because it would be nice to enjoy the meal outside on my new deck…but we will still be able to sit out there and have just as nice of a time. I still don’t know what to make for dinner and dessert. Any suggestions?

Speaking of Easter, I hope that you have a wonderful holiday. HE IS RISEN!

Jasmin leaves for Mexico on Saturday. Tonight we need to pack her up as they load everything tomorrow night because they leave dark and early on Saturday morning. I think that I am more excited about her going then she is. She, by admission, enjoys "luxury" vacations so she will definitely have new experiences with baby-wipe showers and sleeping on a cot. It will be sooooo good for her though. She will learn what it is like to serve other people and she will be able to really have the opportunity to evaluate where her heart is in response and relationship to Jesus. She struggles with telling the truth and vanity and I think this trip will (hopefully) really help her to be thankful for what she has and more aware of loving those who are less fortunate. Several people have been very generous in making this trip possible for her (as her "sponsors") and I am deeply grateful. I will let you know how her trip goes!

Gas is really expensive here. I spend 3.68/gallon on it yesterday. I about fainted when I saw the final total for my Saturn Vue. When will it go down again??

I met a nice, single (to my knowledge anyway), Christian guy yesterday. We got to talking and he is from the East Coast! We talked about places we knew there. And, to my delight, he is from PA! My fave state! Then, to top it off, he told me he is moving back in May. Seriously...lol!! Ugh, the irony is just too much!! lol

Yesterday we had a staff retreat for work. We had to watch a DVD of Zig Zigler who was giving a motivational speech. He said something that really struck me. He said that most people struggle with self esteem (I began to feel convicted) and how we will marvel at beautiful places in this world such as landscapes and flowers, etc but when we get to his greatest and most beloved creation (us) we are disgusted at what we see in the mirror (feeling lots of conviction at this point). It was a good point. What am I saying about God when I look down on myself? This isn't about being prideful but rather about viewing myself as God does - a constant struggle. He also went on to talk about the importance of being physically fit and all the benefits such as leading a happier life, etc. and I knew he was right. I don't think yesterday helped me out career-wise at all - but I sure felt like I needed to work on myself a lot as a Christian when I left.

I read an excellent article on marriage and divorce which was published by The Well, a church here in Fresno. I have been meaning to talk about it here on my blog. It is lengthy - about 5 pages or so - but it is EXCELLENT!!! I cannot say enough about it. Every Christian should read it before marrying. Anyway, if you are interested in the link let me know and I will send it your way.

WHO
Who are your closest/best friends? Kristin, Hannah, Amy, Jerelyn, Holli
Who do you love? My family and friends, of course!
Who is your mom? Kathy. She is teaching kindergartners right now.
Who owns your house? My parents. I rent from them...the house. I don't live with them.
Who bought you the clothes your wearing? Some my mom as a gift. Some me. One ring is a gift from my grandma.
Who is at your house? Right now? My kitten, Jersey. He is probably sleeping on top of something that he shouldn't right now.
Who loves you? Jesus. My friends and family.
Who said hey to you today? The secretary at our office when I walked in.
Who are you talking to right now? No one.
Who was your first kiss? Rick C.
WHAT
What town do you live in? Kingsburg
What are your pet peeves? People who do not follow through.
What are you wearing? Work clothes.
What do your teeth look like? Straight, thanks to braces!
What are you doing in an hour? Lunch break. Eating (well) and hopefully finishing my book.:-)
What is your middle name? Marie
What is your deepest secret? I can't tell you that!
What are you doing tomorrow? Work - but yay, it's Friday!
What is your Dad's middle name? Steven.
What is in this for you? It gives me something to do and hopefully others will repost on their blogs so I can learn about then!
What is your favorite thing(s) to do? Travel, laugh, be with loved ones, help others, sleep, etc.
What are you sitting on? my desk chair
WHERE
Where are you at right now? Work.
Where were you at at 12 noon today? It's not that time yet!
Where is your toothbrush at? In the drawer to the left of my sink.
Where do you sleep? In my bed at home. In my newly painted room.:-)
Where do you live? In a house by the high school.
Where were you at at 7pm yesterday? Young Life.
Where is your car? In the parking lot in front of the office. It so needs to be washed.
Where are your brothers/sisters? My brother is at work, teaching. I don't have a sister. My sister-in-law is probably at home with my niece right now.
Where did you put your bookbag? I don't have a bookbag anymore - thank goodness! My briefcase thing is on my desk to my right.
Where do you keep your socks? In my second drawer of my dresser.
WHEN
When was your first kiss? Seventh grade.
When are you getting a job? Have two, thanks.
When will you grow up? I don't know!!:-)
When are you going to call your friend? After work I have a phone date with Hannah.
When did you get home last night? From Young Life? 9ish?
When did you graduate? 1996 from high school. 2001 from college. 2007 from grad school.
When are you going to stop taking surveys? Geez, someone is cranky!
When was the last time you had a fruit smoothie? I don't know? Def was at YL.
When are you getting married? Soon, I hope.:-)
WHY
Why are you taking this? Finished my report much quicker then expected and now I get the rest of the morning off.
Why are you weird? Again with the mean questions!!
Why are you wearing what your wearing right now? Work clothes for work. Get it?
Why dont you have friends? I DO have friends...I promise!!
Why don't you have a sweetheart? I live in Kingsburg. Enough said.
Why do you live where you're at? For now I think it is where God wants me. I have a hunch that will change soon.
HOW
How do you fix your hair? Depends on my mood and time!!
How are the kids? Ask me that in a few years when I have some.
How many hours do you spend on the computer? Depends on the day...
How many TV shows do you watch? I only TIVO two shows. If I had more time there is much more I'd like to see. That's OK though...I like being busy.
How often do you say I love you? Not enough...that's for sure! (I love you, btw!)

OK, when I search for "Ashley Phelan" my blog address does not come up. But when I search "Ashely Phelan" it does. That is not the correct way to spell my name!! Does anyone know how to change that?? I just tried editing my blogger but it looks like I have my name entered correctly...

I got my nose pierced, oh, I don't know...2 1/2 years ago? Anyway I always tried to wear a very small barely-noticeable stud in it because I liked the idea of having my nose pierced but I wanted it to be discreet and really only noticeable if the light hit it just right. In fact I am surprised with myself that I even went through with it at all. I went to a tatoo parlor in Bucks County to get it done...by myself. I was feeling brave and decided to just do it. I was totally horrifed when I saw the needle and realized they were not going to use a gun. It took him a couple of tries but he did it and once he was done (despite the blood and tears in my eyes from pain) I was glad I had did it. But, I didn't like the gem he put in it so that night I took it out and put another one in that I had bought which totally caused a bloody mess in the process. Anyone knows that you are not supposed to take it out but I was so vain and I was bound and determined to wear the stud I liked. Luckily I got it back in and kept it in for the next few weeks until I was allowed to change it. I am telling you this story because I took out my nose ring (stud, really) about a year ago. Every month or so I would wear it for a few hours to make sure the hole didn't close up. I went through so much blood and gore to get it done I always wanted to make sure I was able to keep the result. Yesterday I thought, "Oh no! I haven't put my nose ring in in a while!!" So I attempted to do it and made my nose bleed a little, OK a lot, in the process. I was only able to get it halfway in and now I am so mad at myself. I can't believe I was lazy and let it close up. It's not like I am planning on wearing it ever again, I think now that I am almost 30 my time is done having my nose pierced, but it just makes me sad that I don't even have the option. I am considering trying once more today but don't know if I can take the blood again. I know, I am weird.

I love the show Jon and Kate plus eight. If you have not seen this show you need to Tivo it for sure! I was first introduced to the Gosselin family back when I lived in Clinton, NJ. They were on a one-hour special on TLC and I remember really admiring them. 1)They are Believers. 2)They trust(ed) in God and didn't practice reduction with the sextuplets. 3)They are transparent people and committed, organized, and loving parents. Seriously, they are a great family. To top it off they live in central PA - one of my favorite places in the world!! I was so excited to hear that that one-hour special was such a hit that they were going to turn it into a reality show. It now airs every Monday night. Can you imagine having twins and sextuplets? Yikes! They do such a great job with what God has given them... It just encourages me to do the best with what God has chosen to give me.:-)

It is so weird for me to experience Spring-like weather in Feb. Back on the EC I used to ache for some green and it wouldn't show until late April or even into May. Here wildflowers are blooming and the trees are too. It is very pretty and we are supposed to get into the 70's this week. While I enjoyed the snow, I was always ready for it to end after about 6 weeks or so of it. For those of you still freezing in your neck of the woods - my heart goes out to you and I will try to send some CA sunshine your way!

Cheer ended officially on Friday and I am so, so, so glad to be done. I have had cheer practice at least two nights every week since July. Combine that with Young Life one night a week, and then the games, and you get the idea. I was one busy girl! Now I plan on using my free evenings to exercise and enjoy my family and friends. This beautiful weather and having people to exercise with really makes me want to make an effort to get healthy!!

Work has been really, really slow. The slowest since I was hired, in fact. Booooring! And that's really abnormal because the life of a social worker is usually fairly full... Hopefully it will pick up again soon.

Hannah and I booked our trip to NYC. I invited Jasmin to go but she declined. Weird - but actually it is for the best as she would want to do the touristy stuff and we wouldn't. We are going over Memorial Day weekend. It will be back in that area exactly one year from the day I left. Crazy, huh? Needless to say I am super excited about the trip. I am using it as my motivation to drop some pounds too. We are planning on going to our fave Italian restaurant, lots of shows, spots we always wanted to visit but didn't (Magnolia Bakery for instance), and perhaps some museums. On May 26 I will be in PA for half a day and hope to see some of my PBU friends then as well, which will be nice. :-)

Two of my friends got engaged this last week and I found out that two other friends are pregnant - each with twins. I also was invited to be a bridesmaid which is always an honor. Five times a bridesmaid - someday the bride!!!

My prayer life has been very dry for a while and I am trying to work my way out of it. I am also open to any quiet time ideas. I need something new and fresh to help rejuvenate my walk. It is like Spring I guess. I am in a period of my life where I need to make some big decisions (when to move to the EC and a job and house there) and really need his strength (to stay on track to getting healthy) and need His patience (for my future which I hope involves changing my name to wife and mommy). I feel like I am in a waiting room of sorts and I hate that feeling of existing versus living. So, yeah, I'm sure God is up to something - he always is and it is always GOOD. I just get in His way some (OK a lot) of the time.

I was send this today - you might want to check it out. Scary yet good to know.

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

I got my tax refund. Yay! It was very hard as seeing it in my bank account made me want to spend it on all kinds of fun things (and to be honest I did put some aside for NYC) but instead I sent it off immediately to pay off a credit card. Easy come, easy go. But, that was the wisest financial decision and I am proud of myself. My goal is to be debt free by 30 (minus my car payment) and I should be able to reach that - unless I move again...lol Maybe the company will pay to move me? But those darn security deposits get me every time for housing. I wish I had thousands just sitting in my savings. OK, maybe I need to change it to 31.:-)

I just counted that Jasmin has 3 1/2 weeks before she goes to Mexico with Young Life. She will be going to help change a family's life by building a house with the YL team there, but I have a feeling her life will be changed more. I know that Jesus can really use this week to touch lives and I am looking forward to what is in store for her. She/we are raising money for the trip and she, obviously, does not have the money. Why her parents won't pay is beyond me (maybe she didn't even ask them - who knows) but we are out to find people who are willing to donate. If you are willing, please let me know.

We went to San Diego this weekend and had a good time (her parents paid for the entire thing). That was my frist time on Express Jet and it was fabulous. And San Diego has a little commuter terminal so we didn't even have to fight the big crowds. Saturday we flew in and had dinner at Red Lobster. It was Jasmin's first time there and she was immediately hooked on the amazing garlic and cheese biscuits.:-) Yum! Sunday we went to Sea World (the polar bear was my favorite part) and that night went to the gaslamp district. We visited Old Town yesterday morning and flew home yesterday afternoon. The flight down was 45 mins and back was 54 mins. Amazing! Sure beats a 6 hour car drive!

I saw my niece yesterday evening and she said, "Ash" for the first time. She is so cute!!!

Dear Husband,

I don’t know your name, where you are, or what you are doing at this very moment…but I know that I love you. I know that I can’t wait to marry you and be your wife and the mother of your children. I know that I am so excited to serve the Lord together with you. I know that I look forward to using our marriage and family as an example of Christ and His love. I am anticipating how God will use you in my life and better teach me how to love Him and you, our kids, and others more sacrificially and vice versa. I also foresee many adventures, laughs, meaningful conversations, special moments, etc.

Today is Valentine’s Day. I don’t know how many more Valentine’s Days I have to go through without having you by my side. God in His perfect timing has it all planned out. In the meantime I am praying for you, thinking of you, and hoping that you are on His path and kept safe.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

Love your future wife,

ashley

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day...or as I like to call it, Single Awareness Day. Seriously, this holiday does get on my nerves a bit. Not so much that I don't have someone special to celebrate it with, but that it is a huge marketing ploy (I guess just like every other holiday is turning out to be). I also have an issue on how it promotes romantic love so much. While romantic love does have its place, I wish Valentine's Day could reinforce real, genuine, self-sacrificing love. This is the love that I strive for, but clearly need to work on... This is love that is life changing and not self serving. This is the love that Christ has for us. This is the love that goes the deepest. Sure, romatic love can be a part of that...but tomorrow that is the type of love that I am going to be celebrating - and thankful for. It will also serve as a reminder of how I can try to best love others.

The weather here has been beautiful. I was thinking back to Valentine's Day last year and how (if I remember right) I was snowed in for the day. We have had weather in the 60's and the 70's...although the fog has been really bad in the mornings for the last three days. Yesterday the freeway was closed in both directions due to a car pile-up (there was zero visibility) in Kingsburg. Praise the Lord I did not get on at that time as I had already decided to stay home until it cleared. I am thankful that my work is concerned about my safety too and allows me to come in late when needed!

This weekend Jasmin and I are flying down to San Diego. We will be going to Sea World and I'm sure Old Town and the ocean as well. I am looking forward to it - and praying for patience at the same time. If you have been talking with me you know what I mean!!!

This is officially my last week of cheer. I am soooo excited! If the basketball team goes to playoffs we will have to go but that's OK. Our last practice was last night so we now only have games to worry about. Tonight is senior night and the girls are looking forward to that. I think I will even be watching my niece tonight so it will be fun to have her with me.

Today is Hannah's 30th bday...Happy Birthday Hannah! My 30th is less then 6 months away. Crazy, I tell you. But that is a whole different blog.

I watch the Today show every morning (and love it) and yesterday, being Super Tuesday, the show was heavily centered on politics. Barack Obama (of course) came up and they were talking about how many young voters are supporting Obama because he is young, fresh, exciting, different, etc. However, they were also stating how many people are voting for him but when asked why they supported him (basically asking them to give examples from his political career or his personal history) they could not. It scares me that these people are so easily swayed by charisma and good looks. Now anyone who knows me knows I am on the Huckabee train, but this was a good reminder for me that I also needed to well equip myself on the politicians I choose to support. While there never will be politicians I agree with 100%, it is very important to me that I not choose a candidate blindly just because he is a conservative Christian, but rather because his (or her!) history, objectives, and plans for the future most closely follow what I want for our country. It just kills me that women are voting for Hillary simply because she is female, for example. Are the voters really that ignorant to make such a naive choice? Anyway, this article came my way today, and I was not aware that Obama was a strong supporter of Obdinga who is responsible for the persecution of Christians and many senseless murders.

http://www.thestar.com/News/World/article/290390

After researching this a bit I also saw some very heated debates over Obama and Israel and how he equally supports Israel and Palestine?? Hmmm… I think I have that to learn about and research next.

In any case, whomever you support, I hope that your decision is well researched and that you go vote after careful consideration and much prayer. I am so thankful to live in the country where we do!!

This is very accurate (at least to me and my dad who did it). Let me know who your "candidates" are... Mine were #1 Huckabee, #2 Brownback, and #3 Romney. USA Today got it right! Try for yourself...

http://www.usatoday.com/news/politics/election2008/candidate-match-game.htm

I don't know why, but today I thought of these delicious cookies. Let me tell you, I pray every time I step onto a plane that they are giving these out. Because I am a nerd, I googled them and found out that Walgreen's sells them. Oh my goodness - guess where I am going after work? And from the day I am having...I need them! Who else loves these cookies? Aren't they THE BEST EVER?

So, yeah, the day I am having... I was driving back to work after lunch and got a call from Doug Davis. He is the athletic director at KHS, so that makes him my boss, but he was my personal friend long before then (we used to go to the same church and do YL together). Anyway, he asked me if I had videotaped (with my camera) the opposing team's cheerleader's last night. Apparently Selma's cheer coach called him and went off about how I totally taped everything they did and how she was scared I was going to put it on the Internet. I was stunned to say the least. First of all, I did have my camera out as I was recording MY girls. Secondly, if I did tape them, which I didn't, she couldn't say anything anyways as it was a public event. Third, why didn't she put two and two together...like how I only had my camera out when my girls were out on the court and how I didn't have it out during Selma's halftime performance, which if I was recording would have been the key thing I would have wanted. Fourth, I think Selma's cheers/dances are usually skeezy and I am known by my girls and the community for being ultra-conservative - meaning they couldn't copy Selma anyway. Fifth, why would I play any part in a stupid high school rival? I am 29, thanks, and quite past that. UGH! Anyway, I can't believe some people. That she would actually make up that huge lie about me. If she only knew me and knew who I was and what I was about she would know that that thought would have never entered my mind...which it never has!!! Tonight we play Selma again, this time at home, and Doug said I should be careful about being around her. I swear, I have done absolutely nothing wrong. I even have tons of witnesses last night who viewed what I was taping after I taped it. This whole cheer season has simply become way too much. Seriously, I never thought it would be this much drama.

Yeah - I need me some cookies. The diet can resume tomorrow.

It’s almost lunchtime and I am excited! I am ready to eat - no breakfast for me today so I am starving. I am going to try to make this a quick entry…

For sure I need to tell you about my trip to VA. It was great and I am sad it is over. We saw some movies, went out to eat, went to see Argonautika in DC, went to church, spent time with some of Kristin’s friends, went shopping, spent time with Holli (who drove down for the day), scoped out some possible neighborhoods for me, had Starbucks, saw Kristin’s new office, talked and talked, laughed, and more. It was freezing cold but that did not stop us. I really enjoyed my time there and look forward to the big move this summer. I now have a better idea of what I will be transitioning to and I am looking forward to what this year has in store for me.

A couple of my friends have taken on themes for their blogs lately and I really like it. Sometimes I feel like all I post is a recap of what I have done lately. And while that does serve a purpose I want to expand my horizons with this blog. Most of all I want to write about what you want to know so any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. So leave me a comment with some ideas on what you would like to read about my life.:-)

He is 3 months on Feb. 1 and quite the character!

I'm off to lunch now. Yippee!

SOOOO much to update you on!

First of all, I hope you like the look of my new blog. I decided it was time for a change. I’m not so sure that I will keep it pink…but for now it is fun. I also was able to put up links to all of your blogs again. If I left you out, please let me know ‘cause I definitely want to add you to my sidebar! The newest blog is my brother and sister-in-law’s. Check it out!

December was a good month. I was so proud of myself that I got the majority of my shopping done and wrapped early (I mainly did all of my shopping online – it was awesome!) so I wasn’t stressing at the very end. I went to the Christmas program at Amy’s church in Reedley, which was a lot of fun and a great way to get into the Holiday spirit (thanks, Amy, for taking Jasmin and me!). They did a great job and I’m sure it took a lot of work and preparation. My grandma’s birthday was last month as well so I spent one weekend with her, my mom, and my aunt in San Luis Obispo at the Apple Farm. That place is sooo cute and I loved hanging out there, shopping, and of course eating all of the good food. It is a girly place and I highly recommend it. It has been a female family tradition to do that for the past few years so I was glad to join them now that I am a West Coaster. The following weekend I got the gift that keeps on giving…more on that later.:-) Cheer, Valley Teen Ranch, and family holiday parties kept me busy…and getting Jasmin ready for her first American high school dress-up dance (the Winter Formal) had me hopping. (There is a really long...and frustrating but had a good ending, kind of… story to that and if interested let me know and I will tell you…way too long to write.) I got Christmas Eve and Christmas Day off which meant a four-day weekend. Yay! Christmas was pretty low-key this year…and I really like it that way! I actually prefer staying in Kingsburg as opposed to going anywhere and not having to worry about getting all dressed up and having to be somewhere at a certain time. Santa was very good to me this year and I got more then I imagined. :-) My family was also very, very generous to Jasmin so I know that she enjoyed her holiday as well. Jasmin’s parents emailed me and asked if I would put together their gift to Jasmin for Christmas, which of course I said I would. They are flying me and her down to San Diego to go to Sea World over President’s Day weekend. I was pretty happy to help with that gift.;-)

So the gift I was referring to, that keeps on giving, is my new kitten Jersey. I know I said in my previous post that I was going to name him Clinton, but I didn’t want to have to explain to everyone how he was named after a town I lived in…and not Bill and Hillary. So, I settled on Jersey. I really wanted to save that for my future puppy, but realistically that is years off. Jersey has been so much fun – and is soooo full of it! He is super fluffy and very, very cute. He weighed 1.5 pounds when we got him. He is growing fast and purrs very loudly. But, he only wants to snuggle when he is tired. The rest of the time he is racing around my house and getting into everything. He loves to play and is a very, very curious kitty. I have scratches all over my hands from him "batting" at me. When he is in a cuddling mood he is very sweet. He sleeps on my bed with me and has to be right against my face. If I turn my head he will get up and lie right by my face again. He has been a wonderful addition. I am waiting for him to get bigger before I let him outside. I would like for him to be an indoor/outdoor cat but I am worried about 18th street, which is only one house away. Perhaps that is too busy of a street for him… I don’t know. If (when) I move he will most likely be an indoor cat then, so I wonder if he should just stay indoors. But I don’t want him to get bored? Any suggestions? Come meet him, you will fall in love with him too. He squeaks instead of meows, and has gotten stuck in the refrigerator (by my dad who found out by the muffled meows) and loves to race into any cupboards I open. He is entertaining and a joy…most of the time!!!

I don’t know if I mentioned this but I have been attending First Baptist Church here in Kingsburg. It is the church I decided on when Jasmin got here. Jerelyn usually comes in and goes with us which has been a delight (cause I get to see her every week) and I do enjoy the services there. Several people have mentioned the Well…but I think I am a bit old to go there…I don’t know. But I am going to stick with the Baptist church for Sunday mornings. It has been a good fit…not perfect, but what church is?

Work has been really, really busy. It has kept me very occupied. I enjoy having a full schedule at VTR so I haven’t minded it. I had to remove some kids from a foster home that wasn’t complying with my requests which was the hardest thing I have had to do yet, which for confidentiality I can’t really talk about, but on the other hand I was able to help place 4 siblings who were staying in the shelter downtown in a really great foster home together so that was a great thing to be a part of. My other job, cheer, has been really rough. The majority of the girls are out of control and I have had to discipline them right and left. It just isn’t enjoyable anymore and I don’t know what is going on. To top it off, a mom wrote an email about me and accidentally sent it to me, instead of forwarding it on to whoever, so I got to read about how she “really can’t stand” me. Ugh! I can say in my heart of hearts that I have tried my best and given my all to these girls. Mr. Davis, the athletic director, is coming tonight to practice and I am hoping that he can help me whip these girls into shape. Regardless I have only six weeks left…thank God! If I didn’t need the money so badly, or lived in the town I do where I would run into the girls and their families, I would quit in an instant. It is that bad.

Over New Year’s Jasmin and I went with Young Life on their Winter Blast trip. It left on Dec. 30 and came home on Jan.1. My boss was nice enough to let me have Dec. 31 off and I got Jan. 1 off as a holiday so it worked out really well. We went to Soda Springs for one day and Sugar Bowl for two days and stayed at YL’s Mountain Lodge. I had never been to the Tahoe area so I really enjoyed seeing the sights and being in snow. I hadn’t been in snow since NJ so I was happy to hear it crunch under my feet and fall delicately from the sky. Jasmin had fun skiing and making new friends. I gave that trip to her as her Christmas present and it went over well. Plus it gave her something to do over vacation, which was an added bonus. (Not to mention the most important reason – hearing about Jesus!) I didn’t ski and hung out in the lodge for the three days. (I didn’t ski due to being hurt in Sweden the last time I attempted skiing. I told myself I couldn’t ski until I got lessons. Again, long story which I am happy to tell you some other time.:-)) I didn’t mind hanging out in the lodge because kids were always in and out and it gave me lots of social time with them. I particularly got to know a group of underclassman girls, which was very special.

I spent my first week of January very sick. I came home from Tahoe on the 1st feeling like I was getting a cold and low and behold it was a full blown sinus infection the next morning. I stayed home from work on Wednesday. On Thursday morning I woke up with a nice added issue – the flu. I have not had the flu in a couple of years and it was no fun. I couldn’t believe that I had the luck of having a sinus infection (did I mention my ear infection too?) and flu at the same time. I spent a lot of time in the bathroom, but I think God was helping me get a head start on my New Year’s resolution – losing weight…lol (Which, I must say, I have stuck to so far!) I stayed home from work on Friday and felt much better on Saturday. I went to the doctor on Thursday, (my new insurance is Kaiser) which was my first time to the clinic in Selma and must say that I was pleasantly surprised with the HMO. While I still think that insurance package that VTR offers is crap, Kaiser isn’t nearly as bad as I expected.

Last Saturday we had our annual ADX holiday potluck at my house. I am very glad that I was well enough to host it. It was an adventure as Emily decided to redecorate my office with my gold paint pen. (Thank you so much to the magic eraser and its makers as it totally cleaned it all up!!) Many people showed up which was wonderful as I love my sisters and hanging out with them. It was a full house but we all seemed to manage. I wish we could see each other more often. That night I got to spend more time with Carrie and Kristin and do a bit of shopping. Fun!

This weekend I don’t have many plans. I signed up to help out with my church’s workday on Sat and I think I will go to Fresno and tag along with my mom. Sunday is church and I plan on giving Jersey his first bath and maybe seeing a movie. I want it to be as nice and relaxing as possible as I want to be totally recovered for my trip to VA a week from today. I cannot even begin to tell you how excited I am to go back to my beloved East Coast. (I will also be going back over Memorial Day to take Jasmin to NYC.) I haven’t been there in about 8 months. That is too crazy for words. I’m sure by the next time I blog I will either be in VA or home from it.

Well, thanks for hanging in there and reading this very long entry! You now are up to date on the life of Ashley... Love you all!

A girl from my cheer squad is giving out free kittens. I fell in love with this one and just might adopt it this weekend. It is a big decision. I would love a puppy, but I would feel bad leaving it home so much. A cat is more independent, and I do love all animals. Plus, this little guy reminds me of the cat I had growing up. I think I will name him Clinton after one of the places I lived in NJ (and the cutest little place in West Jersey if you ask me).

Now THIS is what I want for Christmas. And it would help if it came with my future husband, too.

I love this blog.

http://dailycoyote.blogspot.com/

Thanksgiving was good. I decided to have my family over for a Thanksgiving breakfast on Thursday morning so I could use my fun fall plates and cloth napkins. I love hosting people and all of that good stuff so I was super excited to have them over. I made a breakfast casserole and cinnamon rolls. I also had a fruit salad. Brooke brought some banana bread and we were all very full by the end of the meal. Good thing we weren’t having Thanksgiving dinner until much later in the day!!:-) I turned on the Macy’s Day parade and told Jasmin how watching it every year was a tradition of mine. I don’t know if she was a nearly as excited about it as I was…hehehe Must be an American thing. Of course the TV was promptly changed when my dad came over to football. Jasmin couldn’t believe that we watch sporting events on a Holiday. Welcome to America my friend…

The day after Thanksgiving I decorated my house for Christmas and had lunch with my friend Amy. It was great seeing her – I hadn’t in a while. I am hoping that once my life calms down a bit that I can see her more often. That night my mom, aunt, and I went to see Enchanted. It was very cute. We were hoping to see August Rush but (stupid me) I read the newspaper wrong and took us to the wrong theater. I am hoping to see that movie. The trailer makes me cry so the flick has to be oh so good!

On Saturday and Sunday we went to San Francisco for the weekend. We showed Jasmin around and tried to do all of the touristy things. I think what we find fun she didn’t – must be a cultural thing. For example she thought the cable cars were old and slow…where I think they are totally fun! We met up with my extended family and cousin Cass and her kids (who I hadn’t seen in years) so that was nice. On Sat. night we went to see Jersey Boys. This was playing in NYC when I lived in Jersey and Hannah and I would always joke about how we wouldn’t be caught dead going to see it. But, I went and it was enjoyable. Like Mama Mia, it is definitely for the “older” generation, but it was still decent and entertaining. The weather was great in San Fran, very clear and somewhat warm, so altogether it was a GREAT trip!

Last weekend my family went camping to Pismo Beach. My parents bought a tent trailer and we were looking forward to camping with it for the first time. My dad went over on Friday and we met up with him and Ryan and Brooke (and Sulli) on Sat. Saturday we hung out and went outlet shopping. That night we went out to dinner to celebrate Brooke’s birthday. Saturday night the heater broke in the tent trailer so we ended up FREEZING through the night. Actually once I got warm in my sleeping bag I was fine. I just didn’t move…or stick my head out into the frigid air. The next morning my mom went and got cinnamon rolls and we decided to eat them at the picnic table outside because it was warmer outside then it was inside. When we were sitting outside all the ducks and pigeons from the lagoon began to make their way over to beg. Pretty soon we felt like we were in the movie “The Birds” as, I kid you not, they were swarming us begging for some cinnamon rolls. My dad was even able to hand feed some – clearly they were very tame and used to eating from campers. My dad gave up though when one pecked him too hard. The funniest part was when a pigeon landed right on Jasmin’s icing on her cinnamon roll and got stuck. We were all screaming and freaking out because at the same time they were landing on our plates and us. I swear they were dive-bombing us. We felt so country bumpkin!! I will never forget that day. If only we had that on tape. The best part of the weekend though was how much time I got to spend with my niece. She is SUCH A DOLL. I wish I could be with her 24/7!!

I am looking forward to this weekend and relaxing. I have been able to do all of my Christmas shopping (for the most part) online so there is no need to hurry to the mall for gifts. I am hoping to wrap the gifts I do have and start on my Christmas cards. I am also hoping to watch my Blockbuster movie, which has been in my living room for like a month, and simply not do anything. That will be very, very nice! I thought I had next week free until I looked on my calendar and realized I am busy every night up until Friday. This week is my last week of cheer so I thought next week would be oh so great – I could go walking when I got home and whatnot – but yeah, guess I was wrong!

I was catching up on blogs today and came across this on Courtney’s site. (She is an AWESOME girl and I love her dearly.) You should totally check it out. www.adventconspiracy.org So, thanks Court for sharing! (BTW, can I just tell you all how much I love reading your blogs? I am so thankful for your friendships and how much you teach me through your daily (or not so daily like in my postings) writings and musings!!!)

It’s supposed to rain tomorrow. I am excited. It has been weird that it is Christmas time yet I haven’t had to be bundled up or I haven’t had the chance to experience snow like the last three years. At least rain will be something like it…

Yesterday was Holli's bday - happy birthday my friend!

Kristin sent this to me today. It really spoke to me. I hope it does with you as well.

REST IN GOD'S PRESENCE

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord and whose trust is the Lord. For He will be like a tree planted by the water, that extends its roots by a stream and will not fear when the heat comes; but its leaves will be green, and it will not be anxious in a year of drought nor cease to yield fruit. -Jeremiah 17:7-8

Rest, dear one, in His presence, in His promises. God, and God alone, holds your life and well-being in His loving and kind hands.

Yes, yes, I know some of you (Hannah!) don't like it when I post pasted articles in here. But, seriously, I was totally unaware of this. Read it...and don't support The Golden Compass!

A gargantuan polar bear bounds through snow dunes. A well-coifed gentleman whispers to the snow leopard at his side. A golden-hued beauty gives her ferocious monkey a furtive glance. And a young girl traces her fingers over symbols on a device vaguely reminiscent of ... a compass.
If you've been to the movies lately (or watched much TV), these images from the Dec. 7 film The Golden Compass (starring Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig) may have caught your attention ... and perhaps even whetted your appetite for fantasy and adventure.

Which is, of course, exactly what New Line Cinema is hoping.

To stoke the fires of imagination further, the studio's early promotional material went so far as to equate this adaptation of author Philip Pullman's work with The Lord of the Rings. "In 2001, New Line Cinema opened the door to Middle-earth," says one trailer, "This December, they take you on another epic journey." It's a safe bet, however, that J.R.R. Tolkien wouldn't be amused by the comparison of his story to that of Pullman (who, coincidentally, also hails from Oxford).

The 1995 book The Golden Compass is the entry point to Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy—a series of fantasy novels aimed at children that loosely draws inspiration from John Milton's epic poem Paradise Lost. This time around, however, "God" gets overthrown and the "Fall" becomes the source of humankind's redemption, not failure.

These three books, along with at least one (and presumably two more) movies, constitute British agnostic Philip Pullman's deliberate attempt to foist his viciously anti-God beliefs upon his audience.

A Different Kind of WardrobeThe Golden Compass begins with a precocious 12-year-old girl named Lyra clambering into a wardrobe to avoid detection ... a choice that unwittingly launches her into a universe-altering adventure. (Sound familiar?) Lurking in the wardrobe, she hears her uncle, an iconoclastic explorer named Lord Asriel, describe a mysterious substance called Dust to a group of scholars.

Several events then occur almost simultaneously: Lyra is given a truth-telling device called an alethiometer (the golden compass) and told to keep it secret; she begins to hear rumors of children disappearing without a trace; and she's whisked into the care of a glamorous but ruthless agent of the church named Mrs. Coulter. Lyra soon discovers that the church is also desperate to learn about Dust—a substance they believe is somehow connected to original sin—and that Mrs. Coulter is spearheading chilling experiments on children in her pursuit of "truth." Specifically, she's separating children from their dæmons (pronounced demon), animal spirits that physically embody each person's soul and accompany them throughout life.

As The Golden Compass draws to a close, the forces of good (represented by the church-rejecting Lord Asriel) have begun to array themselves against the forces of tyranny and wickedness (represented by Mrs. Coulter and churchmen who blend the worst of, say, the Spanish Inquisition and Adolf Hiter's dreaded SS). The battle will span not only Lyra's world, but many other alternate worlds. In Vol. 2, The Subtle Knife, Lyra meets 12-year-old Will, who comes into possession of a potent blade with the power to slice portals between those worlds. The Amber Spyglass concludes the series, with angels, armored bears, witches, a shaman, a lapsed nun-turned-physicist and other fantastical creatures marshalling their resources against the hated Authority—the "god" whose reign they can tolerate no longer—even as the mystery of Dust is finally resolved.

The Anti-LewisThere are no shortage of parallels between His Dark Materials and C.S. Lewis' Chronicles of Narnia series. Lyra instead of Lucy. A wardrobe. Alternate worlds. Talking animals. Cosmic consequences linked to a final battle. Oh, and witches—this time on the side of so-called good rather than evil.

But beyond those superficial similarities, Pullman represents the polar opposite of Lewis. Pullman has repeatedly—and with apparent glee—lashed out at both Lewis and the faith he represents. "I hate the Narnia books, and I hate them with a deep and bitter passion," he told one interviewer, "with their view of childhood as a golden age from which sexuality and adulthood are a falling-away."

Such venom isn't the exception when it comes to Pullman's stance on all things Christian. He told the U.K.'s Daily Telegraph, "Atheism suggests a degree of certainty that I'm not quite willing to accede. I suppose technically, you'd have to put me down as an agnostic. But if there is a God, and he is as the Christians describe him, then he deserves to be put down and rebelled against. As you look back over the history of the Christian church, it's a record of terrible infamy and cruelty and persecution and tyranny. How they have the bloody nerve to go on Thought for the Day and tell us all to be good when, given the slightest chance, they'd be hanging the rest of us and flogging the homosexuals and persecuting the witches."

Given such ferocious antipathy for Christianity, it's only a matter of time before those beliefs sneak into heavy-handed sermonettes, delivered by the story's protagonists, such as this one from a witch: "There are churches there, believe me, that cut their children too, as the people of Bolvangar did—not in the same way, but just as horribly. They cut their sexual organs, yes, both boys and girls; they cut them with knives so that they shan't feel. That is what the church does, and every church is the same: control, destroy, obliterate every good feeling." Without exception, Pullman characterizes churches and anyone connected to them as agents of wickedness, oppression, torture, murder and malevolence.

A Tale of Two InsightsStill, Pullman wants his readers to believe he's more interested in telling a good story (and his is engaging at points) than delivering a particular message. On his personal Web site, he writes, "The meaning of a story emerges in the meeting between the words on the page and thoughts in the reader's mind. So when people ask me what I meant by this story, or what was the message I was trying to convey in that one, I have to explain that I'm not going to explain. Anyway, I'm not in the message business; I'm in the 'Once upon a time' business."

Don't believe him.

Not the least because Pullman contradicts himself when he talks about his understanding of how stories naturally influence people's beliefs. "All stories teach," he's said, "whether the storyteller intends them to or not. They teach the world we create. They teach the morality we live by. They teach it much more effectively than moral precepts and instructions. ... We don't need lists of rights and wrongs, tables of do's and don'ts: We need books, time and silence. 'Thou shalt not' is soon forgotten."

That is a more honest and insightful statement than the first one.

Therefore, it's a fair question for those curious about this story to ask what it is teaching. At the most basic level, His Dark Materials is an attempted refutation of the Christian faith: "The Christian religion is a very powerful and convincing mistake, that's all," says an influential character named Mary Malone, who then goes on to relate her own "testimony" of why she abandoned her calling as a nun.

Other messages woven into this story exalt witchcraft, evolution, divination, homosexuality and premarital sex. Accompanying them are smoking, drinking, occasional mild profanity and moments of visceral violence.

That Pullman's message is blasphemous and heretical goes without saying. What's more diabolical—a word carrying with it an original Greek meaning that literally means to separate into two pieces—is the fact that he's aimed his well-written tale and its messages directly at children. "I wanted to reach everyone," he says, "and the best way I could hope to do that was to write for children." Pullman's strategy for inculcating his beliefs involves planting these bad seeds in the minds of those who may not have the discernment to understand what he's doing.
Beliefnet's Rod Dreher writes that that's exactly why he intends to protect his children from Pullman's poisonous influence. "One expects that religious parents will keep their children away from the [Golden Compass] film. 'But why?' the question arises from liberals. 'What are you afraid of?' My children losing God, especially before they have a firm hold on Him, that's what. At some point they will question the existence of God. I did. It's normal to do so. I want more than anything else I want for my children, even their own happiness in this life, for them to believe in God, who is their salvation. If you believe in God, and that the loss of God is the worst thing that can happen to a person, then you would sooner give your child a rattlesnake to play with than expose him or her at an early age to the work of a man who openly says he wishes to destroy God in the minds of his audience."

Trying to Kill GodPullman has said unambiguously, "My books are about killing God." But despite a great deal of publicity on this subject, the series never addresses the issue of God's existence with any real certainty. There is a character who masquerades as God, known as the Authority. But we discover he was simply the first being to evolve—and there's definitely a heavy emphasis on evolution in this story—out of Dust into conscious existence.
As to whether or not a real Creator is responsible for everything, however, another character says simply, "There may have been a creator, or there may not: We don't know." Ultimately, then, the story remains agnostic about God's existence. And with regard to death and the afterlife, Pullman first imagines a dark underworld where all the dead go, regardless of their actions or beliefs. The dead are then released by Lyra, and their molecules are dispersed throughout the world.

Pullman tries desperately to convince us that this vision of annihilation after death is a hopeful one. One of the dead contemplating this fate says, "This child has come offering us a way out, and I'm going to follow her. Even if it means oblivion, friends, I'll welcome it, because it won't be nothing. We'll be alive again in thousands of blades of grass and a million leaves; we'll be falling in the raindrops and blowing in the fresh breeze; we'll be glittering in the dew under the stars and the moon out there in the physical world, which is our true home and always was."

If that doesn't sound much like happily ever after, that's because, well, it isn't. In the final analysis, Pullman has nothing of substance to offer when it comes to concocting an alternative to the Christian faith he detests so venomously. Which is why, perhaps, flowery-but-empty passages and promises like the one above seem to echo those of a well-known serpent.
And lest that comparison sound too harsh, the author himself seems quite comfortable with the association. "[English poet William] Blake said that Milton was a true poet and of the Devil's party without knowing it," Pullman has said. "I am of the Devil's party and know it."

Here is another one of "my" girls!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=009guFEmftU

Today is my six month WC-versary. Wow. SIX MONTHS. WOOOOOW.

I had a great weekend. I was blessed to be able to go and spend time with Hannah in Tacoma. It was wonderful and I really, really needed it! I have found that with my crazy life here that I have had to remove myself from the area in order to truly rest and recover. We had so much fun watching movies (Fred Claus - very cute), getting a pedicure, going out to eat, going and seeing Rob Bell (who was new to me), sleeping in, shopping, etc. She is a dear friend and it was great spending time with her. Next time I travel up there I will take Jasmin.

Speaking of Jasmin, the honeymoon is definitely over! I need to be sensitive of her and can't write anything since this is somewhat public - but if you want details let me know.:-)

Cheer has been very, very hard. Last night I had to dismiss a girl from the squad. Even after she had PLENTY of warning, I was literally sick over it and felt like I was breaking up with a boyfriend or something. I did not want to do it but knew it was the right and fair thing to do. Anyway, I am glad it is over but I am praying that she will be able to continue on in her life OK (not that cheer is everything but I don't want her to think that I didn't 'want' her) and that she will be able to make better decisions in all areas. Other then that the girls are tired (as am I) and we are all ready to be done for a while. The good thing is that basketball doesn't really start until after the new year. The bad thing is that we are going to playoffs for football and who knows when that will end.

Here is an updated pic of my niece:

I saw her at lunch. She is the cutest ever. She tells me "hi" and gives me a big smile when I see her. Today I heard her say "no" for the first time and I had to force myself to keep from laughing. She is so darn smart too. Such a delight!